A Labyrinthine Journey

Only a partial week. Found myself vulnerable to one of the various
illnesses running around the community. I had a big weekend and had to
choose where to budget my energy: class on Saturday, or the Lay
Speaking Class I was teaching Sunday afternoon. I hate to reach places
of choice like that, but needed to follow the commitment to the
teaching.

I was able to at least touch base with Sacred Space throughout the
week even if I couldn’t do much with my low energy level. It was
helpful and sustaining. I really like the reading in Sheldrake’s book
and find myself challenged by his depth of thinking about the Trinity
in our daily lives.

One thing I was able to do in the early part of the week was to make
contact with a Spiritual Director for myself. Before moving I was in a
couple quasi-direction relationships with pastoral counselors, but I
have not connected with a Spiritual Director yet. I began the week
recognizing that it was time to do that. So this coming Thursday, I
will have my first meeting. A mixture of anticipations–some fear,
some uncertainty, a lot of hope.

One of the challenges for this coming week will be the reflection
paper. At least figuring out what to write about. I think it will be a
decision made in conjunction with the choice for the research
paper. Yet, other things also need to be done with Church work.

This has been the week for Ignatius. As I wrote last week, the reading
about him in Healey led to being intrigued by him. Then Dr. Eileen
Burke-Sullivan came to share with us her experience with Ignatian
Spirituality both as a learner and a director.

All I can say is, “Wow!” I really appreciated her helping the words of
the text come alive for me in a very real way. Now I am more than
intrigued by Ignatius. It has already been helpful to me in a number
of ways:

• The Primacy and Necessity of an emphasis on God’s Love

• The help in understanding the discernment process of consolations
  and desolations.

• A nudge toward seeing it time to find a Spiritual Director for
  myself (I knew I would when it was time, expecially if I am to become
  one myself)

• An awakening to the perspective of the Sacred Space site, which is
  based in Ignatian/Jesuit spirituality.

Certainly plenty of things to think about and to work on in my own
life. Getting more excited about the whole endeavor of growing more
myself and hopefully being graced by God to help others.

I confess that I am fudging the date a little for this week. I was
glad to be able to get back to reading the material for the next
class. And glad to start thinking about what to do for the first
reflection paper. I find myself very intrigued by the reading about
Ignatius of Loyola. Since I am in confession mode, I have to confess
some anti-Jesuit prejudice from my fundamentalist Protestant
background that has led me to be weary of the Society of Jesus. But
the reflections on the Sacred Space site as well as reading the
history of Ignatius and the origin of the Jesuits has led me to
consider them in a new light. I am looking forward to class next
Saturday when that will be the topic of discussion. And right now, the
Spiritual Exercise of Ignatius is in the top running for either my
reflection paper or my greater research paper. Only time will tell.

Speaking of Sacred Space. I am finding myself going there more
automatically. I can tell when I haven’t gone there yet during the
day. It helps to give my heart and mind something more to reflect on
and to rest on throughout the day. It does help that I can access it
not only from my computer but from my PDA also. So there are many
times when I am out of my office and can use 10 minutes in the
portable Sacred Space.

This has been the second week that I haven’t had much opportunity to
do any reading for class, but I find myself taking advantage of
opportunities to share and apply what we have already studied. That I
think is one of the more exciting parts so far: to already begin to
use some of the new perspectives in my own spiritual life as well as
to encourage others in theirs.

We will start a Companions in Christ small group next week and that
will offer more opportunities to listen and to apply.

I have been a bit more faithful in maintaining most of the newer
disciplines in my life, including Sacred Space. And I am finding that
those regular activities help encourage and support the others. More
then once this last week, the passage from Sacred Space were exactly
what I needed when I read them. So, of course, that helps to pull me
to keep it up.

January 24, 2005

As I reflect on this last week, there has been a strong move to be
intentional about restoring a sense of rhythm to my life. I have to
confess that I have allowed the spirit of chaos and disorder take over
my life. I see it in my office spaces (one at work and one at home). I
see it in the list of untouched or slapped-together projects (not only
the ones that I “have” to do, but also the ones the I “want” to do). I
see it in my close relationships. The chaos sucks up all my time and
energy and I don’t get to do the things I want to do.

My time spent in Sacred Space have not directed that task, but have
certainly supported it. This week, the readings shared space with
Hebrews and Mark. Both sources focusing on the day-to-day nature of
the work of Christ, from the sabbath day being given for our benefit
to Christ being made priest by the “indestructible life” of God within
us. The time in reflection and prayer have helped me to get working on
soem big things (including cleaning one office, now to do the other
one).

I have to keep reminding myself that the abundant life, while it is a
gift is neither automatic or easy. I have to keep making the many
smaller choices to stay on the pathway. And right now, those choices
are for rhythm and more order.

January 17, 2005

I am ready to get back into the routine of having class, doing the
readings, making sure I visit “Sacred Space” and writing a journal.

As we begin the second part of the course, I need to say that I am
enjoying the Philip Sheldrake book, “Spirituality and Theology.” The
focus on the Doctrine of the Trinity as a solid foundation for any
kind of Christian Spirituality is one that I have sort of had for
years, so I really appreciate the opportunity to really explore it
more.

I have to say that this is another part in my personal journey in this
class from thinking of some amorphous, and non-specific view of
spirituality to one that is more firmly based in Scripture and is
truly a Christian Spirituality. That wasn’t really what I was
expecting from the course. I was just expecting to get some direction
on the task of being a spiritual director. Yet, this is so much better
than what I was expecting and hoping for from the course. I am looking
forward to even more to come.

There is one quote from the book that I want to be sure to pull out so
I remember it more.

In fact, the key to good theology is prayer, understood in its
fullest sense as a relationship with, or contemplation of, the divine
rather than simply devotions and techniques of meditation. Perhaps we
may go further still and say that all true prayer is true theology and
vice versa. For true prayer and true theology are both matters of the
heard and the head. They each point to a unity of love and knowledge
beyond the traditional post-enlightenment division. (p 30-31)

This has been a week to get current on the readings and to work on the
papers due on Saturday. As I do the reading and as I spend time in
Sacred Space, the whole week can be
summarized by one of the prayers on Sacred Space:

In the silence of my innermost being,
in the fragments of my yearned-for wholeness,
can I hear the whispers of God’s presence?
Can I remember when I felt God’s nearness?
When we walked together and I let myself be embraced by God’s love.

As I read of those who struggled yet experienced so powerfully God’s
presence and when I find myself not knowing the answer to those
questions, I found it hard this week to continue in the faith and the
quest to grow in union with God. I don’t really doubt God’s presence
with me, but there are some weeks that are easier to listen to those
voices. Yet I pray the prayer and look forward to those times when I
will again know the nearness and love of God that I preach and that my
heart knows is true.

I was home sick for most of this week after working Sunday-Monday at
laying down a temporary Chartres labyrinth out of rope for a retreat
at a nearby camp. One of those no energy illnesses. The most important
thing this week comes from the class time and the explanation of
lectio divina. I had heard of lectio for a long time but found that I
had really not been introduced to it. From beginning to practice it
according to the introduction in the class and the handout, I find
that I really like it. It seems to fit my intuitive style of thinking
and reflection. There are already a couple phrases that are making
their home in my mind and heart just from this week. I even found one
of them helping me through one of the first nights of my illness as I
lay awake. I was able to repeat and reflect more on the lectio from
the day. That hasn’t happened in a long time.

Just how quickly can I read and catch up on the reading from the
Sheldrake book that I just received on Saturday? That is the major
task for this week. I have more than a passing interest in history, so
knew this was going to be a challenging book. I have to confess that
it did take a while to really follow what he was talking about and
where he was going with his line of thought. I guess, I learned that I
had been approaching history along similar lines, so didn’t find
myself too shocked by where he was going with his approach. In
seminary we had studied Jaroslav Pelikan’s approach to the history of
doctrine which I was reminded of as I read. I think I will be very
interested in seeing more how he works out his examples. I was able to
read the required chapters and I think I understood most of it.

One of the biggest things from this week was the completion of my
personal labyrinth in my back yard. It took longer than I expected it
to take. But I am learning that I am lousy judge of how long a project
takes. Now can I really use it for the growth and stimulation of my
spiritual quest to grow closer to God. I did experience one of those
creativity releases in the labyrinth. I was supposed to write
something for our monthly newsletter, but had no ideas. So took my
notepad into the labyrinth and came out with the next 4 months planned
out.

I was able to do better with the almost daily journaling to help me
reflect and remember. But it is still a struggle to keep up with it. I
experienced a small breakthrough this week at Sacred Space. The
passage was about Herod being perplexed by Jesus. As I was reading it,
I was unsure what to do with it. Then when I followed the “Need
Inspiration” link it had me thinking about my own times of being
perplexed with my image of Jesus and other’s images of who God is. The
question on the page, “What are you saying to me, Lord?” finally leapt
off the page and began to open up a new way of approaching the
scripture for myself.