A Labyrinthine Journey: Soon Coming in 3-D

Before I move to part 3 of my thoughts on spirituality in the steps of the Magi, I wanted to pause for a moment for a footnote. This actually connects to a lot of thoughts I am having about our spirituality becoming more than 3-Dimensional.

In part 1, I thought about developing eyes for what is going on in the reality of our lives through what I am calling Mindfulness. Then in part 2, I talked about keeping our eyes looking toward the heavens in spirit/soul-filled awareness. The footnote is that we need both of these visions.

As we see more and more about the reality of our experience we need to see where God is at work. When we don’t do that we become open to a cynical and despairing view of the world. This is a part of our current reality in society and even (especially?) within the church.

We can see more and more the dark sides of ourselves and of others. We are inundated with studies and voices of critics that spell doom unless we do something about it. And many of those voices are even doubting whether there is anything we can do about our reality saying that we have messed things up too far. Whether it is politics, economics, global climate upset, or the future (lack thereof for many) of the church.

Things are bad, and we have to fix it before it is too late (if it isn’t already too late).

That is the message of those with an overly developed mindfulness without the spirit-filled awareness. When we lean too much in that direction we have already taken God out of the picture. It only makes sense, if we really don’t believe that God is involved in our lives then we are open to all the doomsayers and cynics. Also, if we don’t see that God is doing anything (seeing God as a classic underfunctioner) then we are compelled to step in, over-function, and try to fix things ourselves (which ironically is what created the problems in the first place)

That living belief in the living activity of God in our lives helps curtail or descent into despair and rampant control.

Yet, we can also become out of balance the other way. I know people who live within a fantasy world based on visions and words of mystics and scripture that has no contact with reality. How many of our best-selling Christian books come from this limited vision of life that does not allow for the shadows of life or the reality that evil is within each one of us. This view of reality that forgets or ignores what is actually happening in our world leads to a different kind of fear that removes us from our neighbors. This view even removes us from our own selves. If we cannot accept the shadows of our own lives then we cannot allow God to come into those places and heal us.

If the incarnation (the original even that brings the Magi to our attention) means anything is that God comes to the garages and cow barns of our lives because they too are part of this life.

I do believe these two points of vision fit very well together. And as we cultivate both areas of awareness we can see how for God, there are not really two realities, but just one. And in that one reality there is the one truth of God at work.

If the first task of the wise ones we call Magi is to be mindful of the reality of their lives and their world, the second one we need to learn from is to cast our eyes heavenward. We need to be filled with soulfilled awareness. The word is odd, I know, but I can’t seem to find another one that I like better.

The Magi were star-gazers. They looked for and reflected on signs in the stars and in the heavens. They had to do it as a regular practice otherwise how would they know there was a new star in the west. And how would they discern what it’s significance might be.

In the tradition I grew up in, the truth of these astrologers was conveniently passed over, but these wise ones read the charts. In fact, they probably made the charts. And God used those charts to lead them to the light. The more I think about it, the more amazing that little fact becomes to me. I have spent enough time listening to and learning from a lot of new age spirituality which those church leaders from my youth would declare as out and out heresy. But if God is able to speak to astrologers to allow them to bring homage to God’s own child, why can’t God use things like labyrinths, Enneagrams, meditation techniques, and ambient soundscapes to bring God’s own children closer to the Presence of the Beloved.

Anyway, that is simply an aside.

These Magi spent their time looking for and expecting the heavens to speak to them with truth they needed to respond to. As I think about that, I don’t advocate astrology (that wasn’t my point above) but I do believe that we need a spiritual practice that is oriented to listening to and expecting to receive the Presence of God in our daily life.

Do we really believe that God is speaking to us right now? Or do we think that God only works in other people’s lives?

I confess that much of my life I only theoretically believe that. I really don’t expect God to do something in my life. Most of the time.

Yet, I am learning differently. This is the second lesson of the Magi for me. Know that God is showing me things, then go find where God is expressing that Grace.

Believe that God is guiding me, then open my heart and soul to see that direction.

The way the Magi did that was by looking heavenward all the time. They were open to the subtleties of the stars. And they believed in the significance of even the smallest of events.

Rarely does God (if ever) communicate with us through big, neon signs. God tends to love the subtle whispers of the Beloved to communicate the most important information. If God seems hidden it is not because God is cruel or is not wanting us to discover the Divine in our lives. I believe it is because God wants us to look, seek, and then find.

Early in my ministry, I discovered a trick in responding to shy children. The first thing I learned is that children don’t shake hands, but they will almost always give someone a high-five. And usually with a smile and a laugh.

But that isn’t the trick. The trick is to turn it into a game. If a small child is hiding behind the legs of their parent or grandparent and look like they are scared of this strange, tall man with a beard wearing a dress (my preaching robe), then I will slip around the corner from them and peek. Instead of them wanting to run away from me in fear, they now want to find out where this funny man is.

God invites us into a relationship that is not based on our fears. So what if God chooses to hide behind other things in our life so that we become the ones who now seek the One who came from heaven to seek us.

And for us to see that and respond, the Magi tell us to keep on looking to the heavens expecting to find there all that we need to know.

Part 3 will come sooner than part 2 and goes by my name of Heartfulness.

In considering the story of the Magi, I realized that they provide a formula that works well for anyone of us who endeavor to follow the light of Christ upon the spiritual journey. I see three components of their journey that can guide us in our journey.

1. Mindfulness

I know that mindfulness is one of the hot words within spirituality circles nowadays, but I think my meaning is a bit unique. As I consider the Magi and mindfulness I see the importance of always awakening to what is going on in our lives and in our world. I’m sure the original wise ones provided such a service to their employers: the service of observing all that was going on within the society and outside their borders. I can imagine these magi as some of the original intelligence officers as they sought to understand the reality of life. Just as a skilled diagnostician needs all the info, so we need to have clear minds about our experience and circumstances.

It is easy to want to see only part of our experience. I want to forget or even ignore the unpleasant aspects of my life. Yet, they are a part of where I am in my life right here, right now. And it is within the right here and right now that life can be lived. We cannot go anywhere in growing or living if we seek to maintain a fantasy-based or a partial-truth based view of our lives.

So our minds and our understanding become tools to help us see the dirt and mirrors of life into which Christ seeks incarnation.

Trusting in the grace of God is essential to this mindfulness. If we cannot trust in a God of forgiveness and grace then we will not take the risk to see ourselves as we truly are with gifts, graces, brokenness and rebellion all included.

Let go of our judgement about what is acceptable before God. If Christmas means anything to us, it should mean that Christ came to where we were, as we were. God loves us too much to leave us disconnected with our own lives, so Christ comes to redeem us in our broken wholeness.

So, what is happening in your life? Where are you growing and expressing the essence of the divine? Where are you walking in darkness or pursuing other hopes than the divine will?

Trust God and let yourself be seen with the eyes of loving truth.

Part 2: Soulful Awareness.

This Sacred Breath

Hard to keep track of which one this is: Number 379,399,423 maybe. I take over 800 an hour depending on what I’m doing. Each one though is important and sacred for each one brings me a few more moments of living.

Out of those almost 380 million, I’ve probably only paid attention to a hundred or so and even then just for a moment, then the next moment and the next breath comes to bring life.

All those past breaths can’t help me now. Their moment has come, but now I need to be in this present moment.

This sacred breath.

This breath has probably come from everywhere.: this tree, that blade of grass, the lake down the street, a couple oceans, maybe a glacier or three, the house in another town on another continent. Even with this breath being present in this moment it may have quite a history to it that connects this moment with many moments and many people.

This sacred breath.

Who has shared this breath with me? This breath might be part of some child’s first breath. Maybe a part of someone’s last breath. This breath has probably known laughter as well as wailing. What will this breath bring me in this moment.

This sacred breath.

This breath is helping my brain with oxygen to form words. This breath is bringing energy to muscles large and small to take the words and touch keys in the right order to increase our mindfulness of this sacred breath.

This sacred breath.

This breath joins billions upon billions of other breaths in this moment on this planet. Some breaths are becoming song. Some are sharing ecstasy and love. Some are spreading hate and fear. Some breaths are bringing healing sleep. Some breaths are sources of struggle.

This sacred breath.

This breath knows not the future, nor how many breaths will follow for me or for you. Yet, this breath holds within it all the infinite possibilities of living. So many choices that lead to greater living and joy. So many choices that lead to pain and less life.

This sacred breath.

This breath comes following that last one. And God willing there will be more to come. Over 800 an hour. Almost 22,000 in a day. As I consider this breath, I give thanks. I accept this moment as a gift.

This sacred breath.

What will I do with this breath? What will you do with yours?

Thinking about vulnerability. That sense of mortality that always lurks beneath every ache and pain. It is momentarily set aside with each good breath, but returns when the limitations of breathlessness and weariness come sneaking in.

Vulnerability: the reminder that life is fragile in the midst of being amazingly resilient. In this moment, we are able and strong, and in the next all can be turned around. Most people can live a lot of their lives without the reminders of our own vulnerability, but when us pastors go boldly into hospital and hospice rooms, it is harder to avoid. When we sit at a table with someone who is wondering if their wife or children will let them back into their life, our uncertainties arise. When we stand in front of a congregation of mourners and try to find words of hope in the shadows of their grief, mortality cannot be ignored.

None of us like to be vulnerable. We want to feel safe and secure. We are driven to prove our ability and strength. We will do almost anything to avoid being left alone or ignored. Usually when I find those feelings of mortality, I will try to find a way to shift the focus and distract myself from those depressing thoughts. Yet, I think I have only made things worse. And so in the long run, that sense of helplessness only increases under the surface until it is uncovered as an emotional pothole if I’m lucky, but more likely some sinkhole or crevasse suddenly grabs my soul.

In whitewashing my own sense of mortality and limitations, I have stored up an acid bath of the weakness I was trying to avoid.

In talking about vulnerability with someone the other day, we pursued a different path. We explored together the areas of weakness and mortality.

It wasn’t enjoyable, but in the end we agreed that it was healing, even as the feelings were still present. We saw two gifts: the first is gratitude. As we are mindful that life is fragile, we are more appreciative of the simple gifts that life gives us all the time. I have walked the path of depression and still know the power of those shadows in my life when everything loses color and texture and when everything I want to do becomes mystery and struggle. So when I catch sight of a small yellow flower in my yard, it becomes an invitation to appreciate life. When life just flows, I can be glad. When I have reason to laugh or at least be at peace, then I can give thanks.

The other gift is compassion. As I allow the illusions of superiority and immortality fade away, then I first see myself as more human and then I begin to see others as fellow humans. Mortality and vulnerability are a great equalizer. When I catch myself in an uncompassionate moment, it is usually because I have forgotten how easily I could be in that place. As someone who has been divorced and then remarried, I can see relationships and their challenges and graces with a clearer and more compassionate heart. It is easy to hold onto enemies, or to simply ignore people as long as we see them as less than us. Once we regain that sense of our humanness and once we start seeing others as people with the same hopes and dreams and fears that we have, even if they speak a different language or enjoy different music than we like, or worship in a different way, than we become infected with compassion for them. We can no longer push them away or refuse to see them.

I still can’t say I’m fond of that feeling of vulnerability. Yet, I hope that I will be more willing to learn from that voice of mortality within me.

As a pastor, I see the great toll fear and anxiety brings to every member of my church. As someone who breathes I know how pervasive fear is in my life and my family. As a member of society, it distresses me to see how fear is a motivator behind most of our business, church, and personal decisions. Fear clouds even the strongest person’s point of view and it damages bodies, hearts, minds, spirits, and relationships.

In his book, Fearless, Max Lucado examines 13 ways we need to hear Jesus’ invitation to “fear not.” He makes real how we experience fear and then brings meaning to the hope and comfort Jesus’ words bring to us. I have enjoyed many of Lucado’s books, yet this one touched me most personally. I am deeply thankful and recommend this book for that reason alone.

As a bonus, the end of the book contains questions for group discussion that can brings Christ’s invitation to “live without fear” to many people in my congregation.

It is time to free ourselves from the power of fear in our lives. This book points us to how Jesus can bring us that freedom.

An excerpt from my Soul Writing from a few days ago.

Dear God,

Thank you for inviting me into your abundant life. I don’t always hear the invitation clearly, yet you keep on knocking on my heart’s door and calling my name. Sometimes I do hear it but I turn away from it. I don’t know why. Those seem to be the times when I think the little I have is all I deserve. The shadow voices convince me for the moment that I am only worth the lesser portion. You have to admit it, this life you invite me to is pretty amazing. It does go far beyond imagination.

Sorry, but I live among a people who are used to dreams dying. I’ve been a Chicago Cubs fan. It is very common and almost normal for us to find disappointment and to live discouraged.

I get so excited about some dream idea and then it doesn’t come. That excitement turns to grief and pain. Or maybe I get what I want, but it doesn’t live up to those hopes. What’s left is emptiness and even resentment. Or sometimes I will have fun starting to follow a wonderful dream, but then it gets hard or it changes too much from what I thought it would be. I give up.

I become disheartened.

That’s a good word for it: disheartened. With time and the accumulation of more disappointments I have learned to protect my heart. A few times in I can actually picture my heart encased in a hard shell. I stop getting excited about things. I learn the cynical path is the easiest one to take. I stop imagining things. I settle.

I settle for the lesser life.

I can tell when I am in that settling place by the echo of my heart. I read, hear, and even write or preach your words of hope and love, and inside I hear those words echo in emptied spaces. The shadowed chambers of my soul ring the deep notes of that disappointment. My hearts feels the pre-creation void as an echo of that old shadow. And those days feel so small.

I wonder though, why would You torture me with this vision of abundant life if you had no intention of truly providing it for me. You wouldn’t do that would you? That wouldn’t be fun or fair. It would be so much easier to just stop dreaming, to accept that this vision of abundance is just illusion and that this little life is all I will ever get. The dying inside will hurt some at first, but then after a while I won’t know or care anymore. have accepted my small life while still yearning for abundance.

I think of my Grandmother. As her dementia began she was terrified. She had watched her Mother disappear before her eyes and recognized within herself the same progression. Then she reached that part of the disease where she forgot and was no longer afraid. Her world had grown small enough that she again felt safe.

Is that what is available? Spiritual dementia? Accepting the lesser “vision?”

If that is all you are ever going to give me, then in your kindness and grace take these extravagant dreams away from me.

However, you still invite me to this abundant life.

I will not accept the shadow idea that you are cruel and arbitrary. I will not accept the idea that you would offer us only empty promises. If you invite us to live your abundance, I will trust that you will make it real.

Strengthen me when the siren song pulls me toward the rocks of Less. Carry me through the times of transition and transformation to the place of grace.

God, help me to always remain open to your invitational knock. Don’t let me slip into my little world where your dreams are all dead. Resurrect my soul, illumine my heart, and free me for your life abundant.

Yesterday’s post about my initial responses to Ephesians 2 was a strange one for me to write. It as one of those let’s get the words down raw and let them just sit there as they are. I don’t think I will preach that passage in just that way. And for me it was a risk to write it that way, but it was a choice.

A choice of voice.

In my study of the enneagram I continue to see myself as a Type 8. If you do any kind of looking at the Enneagram types the 8 is the more strong willed, in your face, powerful leader. I am learning to see where I do intimidate people, and I am learning to accept that as my type energy at work. Yet, I have spent years not liking the commonly expected voice of the Enneagram 8, what I am thinking of as the Confrontation Voice.

Before I knew of the Enneagram, I had observed some very clear examples of that Confrontation Voice from church leaders. I saw the harm those harsh words had on my life and on the lives of others. So as I was seeking my own voice as a preacher and a leader I intentionally sought a different voice. It was those years of cultivating a non-confrontational and peacemaking voice that led me first to see my Enneagram Type as a 9. I was content with that.

So one of my struggles with the Enneagram has been accepting that I do have that Confrontational Energy and voice within me. Part of that acceptance is to find healthy ways to practice it. And practice is the operative word there. I am clumsy with my Enneagram 8 energy and voice. It is a shift of years of practice to become open to an important part of how God made me.

So yesterday’s post was a practice exercise in that more Confrontational Voice that is one of my authentic voices.

My preferred preaching voice? Invitational. And I can see how that can be just as bold and clear of a type 8 voice as the more confrontational one can be.

To me, the Bible is a collection of God’s loving invitations to us. Invitations to live a life aligned with the righteousness and love that God showed us in creating us, tending us, redeeming us, and transforming us. One of my pastors said once that God does not break into our lives to invade us, that is evil’s modus operandi. God knocks gently and persistently on the doors of our hearts inviting us to open and welcome in the Essence of the Divine. We can choose to ignore the invitation and we can refuse it, and God’s grace will respect that choice.

Yet, God will keep on offering the invitation. As long as we have life in our bodies God will keep on offering that invitation. And I’m even open to the idea that not even death will stop God from that extended grace (can we say purgatory?).

Even in the Ephesians 2 and Acts 10 passages, I can just as easily see God reaching out in love to Us and reaching out in love to Them and then looking at each of us with those sparkling/piercing eyes of grace and saying,…

“Shall we dance together?”

That’s a great invitation.

As a preacher, words are my tools. Other people have other instruments and implements to do their work, but as a preacher and a spiritual director all I have available to me are words. Words received and words handed out.

While preparing to preach on Ephesians 1:3-14 last week, it dawned on me that language can be small or it can be big. It isn’t a matter of large or small words. Nor is it a question of intelligence. Language can lead us into our experience of past, present, and future. Our language belies our view of God, the world, our selves, and our possibilities.

Have you noticed how prevalent small language is in our society? Words and ideas that seek to contain and restrict our ideas and our imaginations. Listening to some people all you can hear are stories of a penned up life with a sparse past, a future without, and a present filled to overflowing with scarcity. Reminds me of the book that J.B.Phillips wrote, “Your God is Too Small.” Even without reading the book the title offers a challenge to each of us who seek to use language to describe the God who lives beyond words and whose grace breaks open every soul who seeks to fathom that love.

Then there is the story of the blind men and the elephant. Small language seeks to understand God completely and stops content that it has succeeded. What is left is a view of god that is smaller than our capacity and at the whim of each different practitioner of those words.

No small language or small God for Paul in Ephesians 1! Read those words a few times and allow the rich vastness just wash over your soul. With those words Paul invites us to dive into an understanding of God and Grace that is not small in any manner of the word. Abundance. Spaciousness. Glory. Riches. These words call us to an openness of life that is what we yearn for, and what terrorizes us. “Woe is me,” Isaiah writes in chapter 6 of his prophecy, “I am small and messed up and I am in the presence of Vastness and Wonder.” (my loose paraphrase).

Everytime we dare to enter the presence of God-words, we need to share the same sense of scale. Our words are inadequate. God’s language is Huge. Yet, God has gifted thsoe words to us as the bridge of life eternal, abundant, boundless and free.

With gratitude let us follow Paul’s invitation and live this moment and each new moment “for the praise of God’s glorious grace.”

One of those issues that have been almost omnipresent in my life for quite a while is procrastination. That ability to put things off with regularity has led to more agony and trouble in my life than anything else in my life and in my ministry. I have tried all kinds of different time management and organizational strategies. Every year or so, I get really upset and frustrated with myself that I put in a lot of effort to get my life under control.

Yet, all those attempts last for only a couple weeks and I get back into the same cluttered morass that I was in before. Maybe even worse because now I add guilt and further frustration to the mix. The spiral of procrastination becomes a vortex.

In the last few months and especially the last few weeks I have been in another cycle of trying to wrestle the demon of procrastination into submission.

If I follow course, this attempt will last another week or two and then will fade away.

So, I’m trying not to follow course. I’m seeking this time for more than just a different technique (though I am open to tools that will actually work for me) but a new attitude to my dilemma.

One day a couple months ago, there was a reference on my twitter feed to Mark Forster and a new approach to working with lists called Autofocus. It is a way to trust one’s intuition in deciding what needs done at any time. I liked it. It fit better than any other tool I’ve tried. In the last week, Mark has released a version 2 of Autofocus which I am using now. Yet, it wasn’t yet enough. My struggle was still a source of great frustration. My war on poor management was still on.

Today I identified this as what needs to change.

In my reading up and studying Autofocus, I found a link to a set of pages on procrastination itself from the Department of Health of Western Australia. I am still working my way through the exercises, and I am excited since it offers me a new approach.

One important aspect of that approach is grace. As long as I approach my time use from a position of judgment and condemnation I was always working and fighting against myself. And with all the self-criticism all that happens is I dig myself deeper into depression and self sabotaging activity.

That hit me this morning as I was journaling about my frustration with my lack of motivation to change.

Before anything can change, I have to begin with God’s grace and acceptance. Even as I recognize that I can be more than I am now, I have to begin with who I am right now, procrastination and all. The freedom to become begins with the freedom to be.

That is God’s approach to our own transformation. Grace comes at the beginning of God’s work in our lives, infuses every phase of the process and provides our hopes and dreams. I heard someone say that God loves us enough to come to us just the way we are, yet God also loves us so much that we aren’t allowed to remain as less than we can be.