A Labyrinthine Journey

Last week for Ash Wednesday, I wanted to try to help my Confirmation students understand Jesus’ temptations in the wilderness. Last year I started working with my own version of Confirmation that links up with the Enneagram and some of the process perspectives that offers me. So it didn’t take much for me to see a link between the three temptations of Jesus and the 3 energy centers of the Enneagram (also the three energy centers of Thomas Keating).

But even that didn’t lead me to connect well with the students because the needs of the three centers are basic needs for life. What makes them traps for us is when we go to the extremes with the importance of or the means to achieve our needs. The common thread with all the temptations of Jesus was the temptation to do “Whatever it takes.”

Temptation 1: Turning Stones to Bread

We all have the basic desire for survival, to not be hungry. We like to feel safe and secure with all of our needs met and our fears taken care of.One of the things we really don’t like is that feeling of emptiness and it doesn’t matter if the emptiness is in our stomachs, the noise level around us, our bank accounts, our schedules, our understanding of life, or our inner spirit. We just don’t like it. In US society we loath emptiness so much we overindulge and hoard just about everything. We have fallen into the trap of confusing what we want with what we truly need all in the service of preventing us experiencing even the hint of being less. On the Enneagram this would correlate with the Head corner of the 6-5-7.

So Jesus in the wilderness after 40 days of no food sits in a place that we actively avoid. My confirmation students thought the idea of going 4 hours without food was ghastly enough let alone 40 days. So Jesus is set up for the first Whatever it Takes temptation. He was famished, and I can imagine that emptiness raising weakness and fear that he might not survive this time and the wilderness would be the end of his journey even before it really got started. So the temptation is to not believe that God will really take care of him, that the Spirit left him out here to die in the wilderness, so if Jesus wanted to survive, he would have to take care of it himself.

Both Jesus and Satan knew that Jesus had the power to make it happen and besides who would know. Jesus would know. And the truth he would know was that in the end he wasn’t able to trust God to care for him with even his basic needs, so he had to step in and fill the void of God’s activity in his life.

Whoa. That raises a lot of questions for me about all the things we do to “insure” that we will succeed in surviving our life. I will leave any personal reflections up to your living conversation with God’s Spirit.

But I find this temptation causing me to wonder how many survival programs for struggling churches are all based on the idea that God hasn’t stepped up to save you yet, so you need to do Whatever it Takes to make sure you have your needs as a church met. I’m all for hoping the Church of God continues (my income is a vested interest in that endeavor). However, I think we have lost sight of the idea that the Church is the Body of Christ and that the God who creates us and forms us together as a people is also desiring for us to live abundantly.

Where is the Trust that God holds the future and is faithful to us?

In many books and programs that come through my email and inbox the trust seems to lie instead on how we are processing the metrics of “successful” churches to “insure” our survival as a congregation or as a denomination.

Are we as the church being seduced by the Surviving by Whatever It Takes temptation? I’m afraid we are more than we would like to admit.

OK, this ended up being longer than I expected, so I will break it up into 3 parts and take each of the other two temptations.

Feel free to comment below.

Yesterday’s post about my initial responses to Ephesians 2 was a strange one for me to write. It as one of those let’s get the words down raw and let them just sit there as they are. I don’t think I will preach that passage in just that way. And for me it was a risk to write it that way, but it was a choice.

A choice of voice.

In my study of the enneagram I continue to see myself as a Type 8. If you do any kind of looking at the Enneagram types the 8 is the more strong willed, in your face, powerful leader. I am learning to see where I do intimidate people, and I am learning to accept that as my type energy at work. Yet, I have spent years not liking the commonly expected voice of the Enneagram 8, what I am thinking of as the Confrontation Voice.

Before I knew of the Enneagram, I had observed some very clear examples of that Confrontation Voice from church leaders. I saw the harm those harsh words had on my life and on the lives of others. So as I was seeking my own voice as a preacher and a leader I intentionally sought a different voice. It was those years of cultivating a non-confrontational and peacemaking voice that led me first to see my Enneagram Type as a 9. I was content with that.

So one of my struggles with the Enneagram has been accepting that I do have that Confrontational Energy and voice within me. Part of that acceptance is to find healthy ways to practice it. And practice is the operative word there. I am clumsy with my Enneagram 8 energy and voice. It is a shift of years of practice to become open to an important part of how God made me.

So yesterday’s post was a practice exercise in that more Confrontational Voice that is one of my authentic voices.

My preferred preaching voice? Invitational. And I can see how that can be just as bold and clear of a type 8 voice as the more confrontational one can be.

To me, the Bible is a collection of God’s loving invitations to us. Invitations to live a life aligned with the righteousness and love that God showed us in creating us, tending us, redeeming us, and transforming us. One of my pastors said once that God does not break into our lives to invade us, that is evil’s modus operandi. God knocks gently and persistently on the doors of our hearts inviting us to open and welcome in the Essence of the Divine. We can choose to ignore the invitation and we can refuse it, and God’s grace will respect that choice.

Yet, God will keep on offering the invitation. As long as we have life in our bodies God will keep on offering that invitation. And I’m even open to the idea that not even death will stop God from that extended grace (can we say purgatory?).

Even in the Ephesians 2 and Acts 10 passages, I can just as easily see God reaching out in love to Us and reaching out in love to Them and then looking at each of us with those sparkling/piercing eyes of grace and saying,…

“Shall we dance together?”

That’s a great invitation.

There is a set of notes on this week’s sermon preparation worksheet that I am pretty sure won’t fit, that I don’t want to lose out on giving life to.

I woke up the other morning with this contrast in my head: “I cannot persuade or convinve, but I can behold and celebrate, witness and express.”

Ever since our Stephen Ministry training materials talked about the difference between being result oriented and process oriented, I have been chipping away at shifting my overall perspective of life to reflect that new way. Simply stated, whenever we find our goals and expectations connected to what another person does for or because of us, we are goal oriented. That orientation becomes a source of frustration within ourselves and a temptation to manipulate and control in relationship to others. For better self and other relationship the idea is to keep our focus oriented on our participation in the process of life.

In order to live fully while participating in the process of life, did you catch the tricky part? We have to relinquish control. As an Enneagram 8, this is a hard one for me. Control and the fear of being under the control of others is a big red flag within my heart and soul. To remain in process means that we need to cultivate surrender and trust in deeper and broader ways.

I’ve been casting my attention to personal and ministry goals lately and noticing how pervasive this goal-orientation is. What are common ministry goals for a church? To increase attendance in worship, to get more people in  small groups, to increase financial contributions by ??%, etc. They sound good, but they set us up for manipulation and despair when people just don’t respond as we expected/wanted them to.

So with that idea, it is harder for me to be satisfied with motivations and goals that include the idea of persuading or convincing people. Even the idea of making people’s spiritual lives better or imporving their walk with God pushes that control button for me. I have to keep reminding myself, that I have no power or control over what another person decides or feels or thinks, why act as if I can influence or change that.

I find ideas like witness and express becoming more important to my motivations for writing and preaching and teaching. People don’t have to agree with or even like what I say. Am I clearly and fully expressing my own heart and thought? I certainly want to do so in a caring way, because expressing includes being true to my own personal integrity. And if I am simply expressing without any expectation of a result I have removed the teeth of manipulation and control from communication.

The other ideas that fit within my spiritual direction and worship leadership lives are Behold and Celebrate. I cannot create an experience of God within my spiritual directees or within the worshippers. When I try, then I become invasive of their very heart and soul. I have experienced that from the other side and it is not pleasant or respectful. Yet, we can together behold what God is doing in life and we can as a community (whether it is one on one, in small group, or larger congregation) celebrate (give witness to) that activity of God within us.

As I make this shift in my own life, I find less frustration and more fulfillment in ever increasing parts of my life and ministry.

Not too long ago, I was getting ready to be at a meeting that was wrapped up in a change-induced turmoil. As I tried to prepare my heart and mind to attend, I reminded myself of a change of perspective that I picked up at a Conflict Seminar at the Lombard Peace Institute many years ago.

One seminar leader addressed the idea of table arrangements and how they are usually set up for failure. You know the table setup: The party of the first part sits on one side of the table. The party of the second part sits on the opposite side of the table. The mediator sits off to the side. This arrangement makes sense if you see the time as a battle with the adversaries squared off against each other and the innocent mediator staying out of the fray.

The trap in that arrangement is that the parties may start off with the situation and the problem laid out on the table between them. But as the discussion continues the issue on the table is lost and the people on the other side of the table become the problem.

This leader offered another arrangement. All parties sit on the same side of the same table with the mediator and the problem out in front of both of them (I picture a great white board out there that the mediator uses to keep track of the current state of discussion). The image shown and even explicitely named for all is that we are partners together seeking a common and best case solution to the issue and the situation. The mediator is always celebrating and challenging the participants to be creative in coming up with the best solution.

It also helps to keep in front of everybody’s thoughts the goal of finding the best way to enhance the entire situation and not just one faction (fraction?) of the group. No one issue is more important than another. No one person is less important than the other.

At the meeting we didn’t have to get that far, but I was ready if we did.

A couple weeks ago, I made first contact with Dorotheos of Gaza. He was a 6th century monk and teacher that was best known while he resided in the communities around Gaza. His major theme was humility and I am finding a number of stimulating and challenging ideas from him. So I will be pulling out a few quotes from him before I move on to another desert mystic.

One of his surviving discourses was directed towards those who were put in charge of a community. A major part of this discourse deals with how to correct a member of the community.

Never separate yourself from the holy example of Christ, who said, “Learn of me for I am meek and humble of heart.” First make a point of acquiring a peaceful state of soul, so that correction is given not out of pretended righteousness or for the pleasure of rebuking, but as a duty performed for the sake of love and cleanness of heart. Building up your brother in this way, you shall hear a voice saying to you, “If you extract what is precious from what is unclean, you shall be compared to my own voice. (Jeremiah 15:19)” [Dorotheos of Gaza: Discourses and Sayings, Eric Wheeler, trans, Cistercian Publications, Kalamazoo, 1977, page 239]

There are quite a few points in this quote that is worthy of reflection as I consider being a leader in church, a teacher, a pastor, and as a spiritual director. The words about giving correction out of “pretended righteousness or for the pleasure of rebuking” caught me right between the eyes. It is so easy to go around with my own sense of pride that tells me that I know how things must be done, that I so easily derive a little bit of pleasure at putting some people in their place. “After all, I am the seminary-trained pastor here.” I have to remember that Jesus rebuked the people of Jerusalem with sadness and grief not pride and power.

However, the part of the quote that is more inspiring in its challenge is related to his paraphrase of Jeremiah. The image of extracting or mining what is precious from a soul that is broken or wayward in sin and temptation is a very healing image for ministry, and especially the ministry of directing others toward righteousness. How can I see through the surface grime in a pride-filled life and help that other person see and reveal the precious child of God within? That indeed is a holy challenge and a Christ-filled endeavor.

Yet, as the soul miner we are really seeking what God has done and is doing in the life of another. If God by grace keeps on calling to the lost sheep, then we need to honor God’s compassion with our compassion.

One of the websites I keep an eye on focuses on treating anxiety, addiction, and depression. I found their article on Making New Year’s Resolutions More Managable a nice short read. (Check out the whole article)

Studies and statistics make it clear that fear, though it leads us to make grand plans for self-preservation, is often not a sufficient motivator

I would agree one hundred percent on this point. I can get moved to quickly do something by fear, but the move is only temporary and it is done without enthusiasm. Then once the threat is gone, there is no longer any energy for action. Maybe this is why so many groups and people wanting to be leaders use fear (and sustained fear) as a primary mode of being.

This should say something important to preachers and teachers in church who seem to always be focusing on the presence of evil in the world and how believers need to … (do whatever they say) … to be free. I see Christ bringing a different message.

We cannot deny that there is evil at work in the world, nor can we deny the presence of things to fear in our circumstances or even inside our own souls. Yet, Jesus came to offer hope and not fear. People who want to be leaders through fear are only interested in manipulating a certain result (and sadly usually for their own benefit) without true concern for the growth and development of the people they get to follow them.

As you can tell, I don’t even see that as true leadership. Jesus modeled true leadership as the shepherd who goes after the lost sheep, and as the mother hen seeking to protect a wayward city. His example of leadership did not back away from fear, but saw the frightening in the light of the power of light and creating Life. I cannot get too excited about all the Satan-namers, because I would rather look at the God-Living-Ones and to be one of them.

Getting back to the original idea of New Year’s Resolutions (I am never completely sure where my thoughts will go when I start), the studies show that we respond more to the invitation to life than to the flight from fear.

Doctors and self-help experts recommend a different approach: instead of focusing on the negativity entailed in giving up habits that we find familiar and enjoyable, think of the healthier, happier person who will emerge from the change. If we do not enjoy the process of improvement, we will find fewer reasons to keep it up. Modesty may also help, as grand plans are more likely to disappoint. Tempering habits may be easier than eliminating them altogether.

Time to recast my resolutions toward the Creating Light. May your new year be blessed.

As I was preparing for preaching today on James 3-4, I found myself noting some modern-day idols that it is easy for us to fall into. But first the text:

Who is wise and understanding among you? Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not be boastful and false to the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, devilish. For where these is envy and selfish ambition, there will also be disorder and wickedness of every kind. (James 3:13-16, NRSV)

Sadly, I have to say that it looks like today we are living out this upside-down wisdom that is born of death and leads to dying. We take pieces of the truth and focus on them out of proportion to balanced wisdom.

This state of being out of balance goes both ways. I think we can idolize something by either over-blowing its importance or by undervaluing its necessity for an integrated life. For example, if we consider the Great Commandment to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength we can see that balance God desires for us as an integration of all parts of our created being to be worthy of praising and serving God.

When we actively idolize the intellect, we throw the whole scheme out of balance and project the idea that it is only through the intellect that we properly serve God. Thus we set people up for failure if they are not scholarly to think they are worthless to God. On the other hand, we cannot live out an allergy to the intellect. That form of reverse idolatry is the same obsession with the mind, but in different colors. There we are tempted to degrade and deny part of the good creation of God by denying that it is possible to use our intellect for God’s glory. So we must avoid the idol of intellectualism and it’s obverse, anti-intellectualism.

Another idol is success. OK, I know I am talking heresy now in our mega-church, mega-burger, mega-war, mega-whatever society. Yet, haven’t we allowed our desire for success to overshadow the fruits of wisdom in James? We are willing to do and say anything in order to be successful in what WE think God’s wants us to look like. I serve two small churches and we have struggled with how to grow and how to be successful. We look at programs that guarantee us success for the kingdom. I get email and junk mail for training events that will help our church to succeed in reaching out to any generation name you can think of. We have even tried a few things, but in the years I have been here and the many years before when others have tried programs, the situation remains the same. Lately, I have been wondering if we have made the mistake of defining success for the church on our terms (meaning in the terms of our success-obsessed society) instead of listening to God’s desires for us. Does God love us less because we aren’t “Big” and “successful?” Can God love us more if we were those things? I believe the answer to both of those questions is No. So how have we gotten stuck making an idol of success and allowing that to interfere with our living out the love of God in Christ and in us?

The last one I scratched on my text processing page is the idolatry of the short-term. Everything must have immediate gratification for us. One of my struggles with prayer have been the dry times. I have times when in the time for prayer, I sense the presence of God. And my prayers become easier and joyous. Then prayer will be dry. No sense of the Holy. No fluttering of angel wings. No quickening of the heart, or flow of God-energy. So my short-term eyes think something is wrong. I wonder if I have erred in my technique, or have offended God. I have caught myself seeking the idol of my feelings about God rather then the true presence of the God who decides how to make the Divine Presence known.

This is a faith journey. How can I pray without the eyes seeing God’s presence? The same way I pray when God chooses to gift me with that sense: humbly, with gratitude, and faithfulness. I was sharing this with my spiritual director and he said that sometimes prayer is like working the reception desk at a business. You must put in the time because you do not know when you will be needed. And as you give God the time and space to come to you, you will be ready when that gift comes. Maybe this is what waiting with expectation is all about. Sitting in prayer knowing that while we do not sense God’s presence, we know and believe that God is just as present with us when we are dry as when we are dancing in the rain. God has Eternity Eyes. There is no short-term bias with God. When it is time, it is time. We must be careful not to allow our idolatry of instant gratification close our hearts to the wisdom of God’s eternal perspective.

This is a post that has been simmering for quite a while. One of the things that I have heard from folks when I first started sharing about my journey through chronic depression (dysthymia) was “what can we do to help?” Whenever that is asked, my mind goes temporarily blank and I can’ think of anything. But over time, I have recognized some things that would help me the best. So I am going to share some of them.
I have called this the Care and Feeding of This Pastor, because I do know for sure that these things would help me and that is all I can know for sure. Yet, I have a feeling that these things would be valuable for others as well. And since in many places October is Pastor Appreciation Month, this might offer some ideas for folks.
First, Marc Driscoll, the pastor of Mars Hill Church in San Francisco, shared these statistics:

Pastors

• Fifteen hundred pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.
• Fifty percent of pastors’ marriages will end in divorce.
• Eighty percent of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their role as pastors.
• Fifty percent of pastors are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.
• Eighty percent of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.
• Seventy percent of pastors constantly fight depression.
• Almost forty percent polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.
• Seventy percent said the only time they spend studying the Word is when they are preparing their sermons.

Pastors’ Wives

• Eighty percent of pastors’ spouses feel their spouse is overworked.
• Eighty percent of pastors’ spouses wish their spouse would choose another profession.
• The majority of pastor’s wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.

Those are sobering statistics for sure. Marc goes on in the article to talk about some things that pastors and their families can do (some very good thoughts), but I want to turn to those who want to support the pastor and their families. I am addressing this to someone asking how to care for This Pastor.

Throw Away The Pastoral Mold

This is a big one and it is more attitudinal than action, yet a shift in attitude can affect your relationship with your pastor immensely. I know you have had some great preachers in your life, you have experienced some excellent teachers. You have also had some pastors active with youth, with older adults, and in visiting everybody in church. The problem is that those were all different preachers who you have rolled into one Mold of the Pastor.

There is no such thing as the Perfect Pastor. We are not made out of a mold, each one with identical gifts and strengths. We are each created and hand fashioned by the Holy Spirit and our experiences in life.

So, please take an interest in finding out what my strengths are, and the experiences that have formed my faith and ministry. Listen for my perspective on life and Scripture. And while I have aligned myself with the doctrinal standards of this church that doesn’t mean I view it with the same colors and textures (interpretations) as my colleague in the other town or in a magazine or newspaper article.

If that is true for me, that is more true for my family. My children do not fit the mold of “Preacher’s Kids” unless you force them into that place, so I ask that you don’t do that, and allow them to grow into the particular images of God that God is forming them to be. And my spouse? Trying to force the pastor’s wife/husband into a stereotyped understanding of that a pastor’s spouse is supposed to be is disrespectful and hurts.

So, appreciate us for who we are, and not how any other pastor’s family might be.

Make a Personal Connection

That leads right into this one. Befriend us.

Many parts of the depressive side of pastoral ministry (see statistics above) keep returning to isolation from relationships. I don’t want to embarrass you by telling you how few people have invited us out for a social gathering in the years that we have been here. But I can count them on one hand.

We are regular people. We have a job and a role to play in our community, but beyond the role we are plain and simply human beings with hopes and dreams, pains and desires. We like to have fun and we also want to have friends we can trust when we need friends we can trust.

So invite us over for supper, or ask us to go to a movie. We like to play cards or other games, do you have a card club? ask if we are interested (I love 500). We have received gift certificates for restaurants before and that is great to be able to go out and have a date with each other. Yet, what would be better would be to take us out to dinner. You get to show appreciation to us as well as have a chance to get to know us.

Oh, and if you do want to get to know us, please don’t make it a quasi-pastoral visit. You know, “we are having some problems and if we invite the pastor’s family over maybe they can help us.” Understand, we will come and we will help as we are able, but we can tell. And while we can’t help but talk about church business, lets see if we can fast from church business so we can just spend time truly getting to know each other.

Care for Us and Pray for Us

This is an important one. The best help I receive with my stress, or depression, or anxiety, or whatever is having someone stop by and simply ask how I am doing. Then sitting to listen ith interest, but without judgment of even a lot of advice (I don’t need fixes, I need support). And then respecting the confidence and trust I place in them.

Each part of that is important. It is a great relief to be able to say to someone, “I’m really worn out.” For many stresses in my life, there are no simple solutions. For many tasks on my list, many of them are mine to do, but to know that I am not facing them alone brings new energy and renewed vitality. Sometimes I do need a nudge, but a loving nudge, not a put down or discouragement.

And I am sorry to say that there have been some people who I have shared struggles with who have shared that conversation with others. That makes it very hard to both trust that one personally and in ministry together. It also makes it more difficult to trust others; there are only so many times one is willing to get burned.

Oh, and if you want to care for my wife? Ask her how she is doing. She needs the personal touch as much, if not more than I do. I am the one who learns the names faster and hears the stories more, so it is easy for her to feel even more left out and isolated. I tell Linda that the only expectations I have for her as This Pastor’s wife is to be herself and to love the Pastor. That’s it. Please care for her in the same way.

We are not Super-beings

Here is another attitude check. Usually, many of those pastoral myths that I hear about and bump up against is the one about the one who works tirelessly caring for all people in every place and at all hours of the day. These fantastic beings are able to attend all meetings, visit everyone (no matter how far away the hospital is) and is still able do all the reading, study, paperwork, sermon preparation, and have full office hours for people to call or stop by. Oh, and they always look awake and alert and are impeccably dressed.

Well, I might have exaggerated that description a bit, but unfortunately, not by much. Those pastors who try to hold to that image of perfection and functioning do it at a cost. A human cost. I know of pastor’s spouses and children who came to hate the church because of that toll of time. For many of you, time with your family is very important and you pick and choose activities to allow you time to do that (if it isn’t, we need to talk). So why can’t you allow me the same opportunity to value my wife and children and spend time with them? True, I need to learn to say “No.” You also need to accept my answer sometimes.

Another cost for me is energy. Marc Driscoll in the post linked above talks about “filling our [energy] plate” Some people have a lot of energy for being active and personable. Others, like me, have smaller plates for that ministry work and need more time for recharging and reflection. I have literally damaged my health at times by pushing myself too far and too hard. And a big part of my own chronic depression stems from those times and never fully recovering from the emotional cost of ministry.

Another cost is for the church community. If the pastor is overfunctioning by being involved in everything and by doing too much then that leaves little room for talented and gifted people in the church to follow God’s call for their ministry. Sadly, there are too many congregations that have fostered under-functioning among the members for so long, it is very hard to break out of the lethargy that underfunctioning brings. Yet, God is in the work of raising the dead, not in granting super-powers.

Have a Problem? Bring it to me, please

Unfortunately, since I don’t have super powers and I am not perfect and I am only human, I will miss things. I will make mistakes. I will make choices that you might not agree with. If so, come and talk to me first. Don’t complain to my wife. Don’t grumble to the church secretary, the Bishop, the DS, or even the chair of the personnel committee until you have talked to me first. And if anyone else decides that they want to grouse about me, don’t even listen until they have brought their concern and issue to me.

This is basic human respect in my book. By taking an issue to anybody and everybody other than the person who is at the heart of the issue accomplishes nothing except spreading a lot of negativity throughout the community, the church, and other relationships. Maybe the issue is a simple misunderstanding that can be cleared up simply in a one to one conversation. Or maybe I need to be nudged (remember, lovingly) into something that I need to be doing, but if you don’t tell me, I cannot know what I can do differently. And even if we disagree on something, we can at least take the time to listen to one another and at least understand the other person a little more clearly.

The alternative is for me to hear about something through the gossip chain. That’s uncomfortable at the least and frustrating and hurtful at the most. Once something gets out there, nothing can be done to change it. Another alternative is for me to be sitting in a board or committee meeting and hear a list of problems that have been heard. That form of ambush is very painful, raises my defenses very quickly, and breaks trust and respect in the relationship.

But this is not only the way I think it should work in my book, Jesus lays out the same basic steps in Matthew 18:15-19.

Summing Up

I know this is a bit longer than usual, but I needed to get some of these things out. Notice that all these things have to do with being in right relationship with one another. My wife and I are Christians first who are just trying to live our lives as God intends each of us to live our lives. The role of pastor is one role within the church where all of us are called people with our God-given roles. Caring for us is still person to person, loving one another.

Consider the question of who cares for the pastor and family? If the pastor is there to care for the members of the church, someone has to care for that person. Who? I believe the caring flows back from the congregation. We are given one another to care for. I care for you in my way and God invites you to care for me and my family in your way. Together we can do it.

I have continued working with the Getting Things Done system of David Allen. I was able to finish the second reading of the book (first reading was a few months ago) and I am glad I did. A couple weeks ago (I know I said it then) I again went through and collected and processed a bunch of my stuff that had been accumulating. It did help and I got a lot of things done (and threw a lot of things away). Yet, it didn’t stick for very long. I was back against the piles of things not being done and the procrastination that is interwoven with my depression was as present as the desert of the disease.

One thing I keep learning about facing depression is that I cannot attack it headon, I have to work at reducing the power of some of the peripheral pieces of it to shift the whole system back toward health and balance. So last week, I decided that I had had enough with my dis-orientation and my dis-integration and my dis-ease with the way I handle my life. So I made the choice to make the re-integration of my life’s tasks and roles as my top priority for a few days. I also faced a couple weeks where I had a lot of deadlines and I wasn’t sure I was going to make any of them.

So, the GTD book was opened up again and a new and deeper reading was begun with an eye to really figure out how I can make this work given the way I am wired. I also had in mind the things that did work before and the things that didn’t work. Fortunately, I found some other people who had used a little PDA program I liked to implement the GTD system successfully (Bonsai by Natara software)

One of the things I have come to see through my counseling and spiritual direction is that I have many things that I accept as real good ideas, but I hadn’t chosen to make them happen. This was a big attempt to make one of those real good ideas happen. Well, I’m still tweaking things, but so far I am giving it a good go.

An interesting insight came tonight while I did my evening labyrinth walk. In considering the purpose for why I have devoted so much energy and time to this lately instead of other things. If I was thinking of things from the perspective of a manager (which is a viewpoint I used to have about being a pastor, but no longer) then I would talk about the larger view of productivity and the long-range benefits in future efficiency. But, I am not a manager. I have no product to produce, I have no employees to supervise (not counting the church secretary and custodians), I only have a message and a hope to bring to people who choose to participate in the life of the church. So efficiency and a management view of things doesn’t fit at all. The insight from my labyrinth walk was that the purpose of learning to focus my energies and to always be looking for the next action step is a question of faithful stewardship and a making of space for God’s Holy Spirit to creatively work in, around, and through me.

I realize now that poor stewardship has so bound us that there is no space in our minds, hearts, schedules and useless todo lists for God to come in and do wondrous and glorious things.

Time to make space and see what the Spirit of God can do with it.

Time to get out David Allen’s Book, Getting Things Done again.

One of the side affects of Depression is procrastination and I have been afflicted. So one of the avenues of attack against the disease is to minimize the affects of that attitude toward tasks and keep trying to get on top of things.

I have worked with the Getting Things Done system before and have made some progress each time in tackling the “Stuff” on my desk and in my life. But each time I have not been able to sustain the program and the “stuff” accumulates again which lead to more procrastination.

So I keep trying. Each time trying to learn what didn’t work before and modifying my use of the system to make it more workable. I do try to be persistent.

Last time I tried it, I just worked with what I remembered from the first reading of David Allen’s book. That was actually only a few weeks ago. But it didn’t take long to realize that while it did help me to do some very needed tasks, it didn’t work well in helping to institute the system. So this time the book is coming out again and I am reminding myself of not only the form of the system, but the substance of it. True, I will use more time reading the book then just jumping into the piles of “stuff” on the table behind me, but I think it will help move me closer to actually doing the program.

Right now, I am still in Chapter One but wanted to get in my 10 minutes of blogging now so if I get involved with other things later, I will have this open loop taken care of. Two quotes I have been sure to underline so far:

Anything that causes you to overreact or underreact can control you, and often does. [p 11]

Wow, that is one that gets me and many people I know. Usually we think about being controlled by overreaction, too much anger or too much hate. But I can also certainly testify to the power of the untouched and unread piles that I know are there, but I don’t get to (for some mysterious reason). Too often I have been controlled by the things I haven’t done yet even to the point of being paralized to not do them (ironic, huh). That leads to the second quote from the book so far.

You have to think about your stuff more than you realize but not as much as you’re afraid you might. [p. 15]

So true. I especially like the second part of the sentence. And that is often what I most need to tell myself when I think of the projects I know are buried in my piles. They are really doable and I am able to handle them or I am able to find someone who can.

Well, back to the book and then to my piles. Pray for me. If you don’t hear from me in a couple days send out a search party (and have them bring Snickers).