A Labyrinthine Journey: Soon Coming in 3-D

It doesn’t take much to convince people that we are in a time of crisis. Many of us have been struggling with things for a while, but in the last few months (and longer) our entire society and our world-wide system has been disintegrating through circumstance and invasive anxiety. It doesn’t take much for us to be afraid, does it? While there are many ways we can exhibit anxiety and fear, this latest crisis has hit our pocketbooks. (Other crises in our history hit other parts of our relationships and culture, this one has attached itself to our finances). We see it in reduced spending and company layoffs. We experience it with foreclosures and the perceived terror of the markets. In our congregation, this is the first year in many when December donations did not catch up the expenses of the year. The weather can accept some responsibility, yet I think we are afraid to give.

As I began my ministry, I was formed by the writings of Edwin Friedman on Bowen Family Systems theory (his foundational book is Generation to Generation: Family Process is Church and Synagogue). His ideas about how church families functioned and eventually his ideas about leadership are in my core. He died of a heart attack 13 years ago while writing A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. I have a well-worn copy of the first edition that his widow and some friends published themselves, while I was doing continuing education with them in Bethesda in 1999. That book comes off the shelves of my library more than most books. Every time it does it becomes God’s gift to me again.

For Ed, the “key to the kingdom” in leadership was to recognize the pervasive nature of anxiety that is present in crisis and to respond in a non-anxious way that leverages crisis into growth and positive change. History is filled with times when crisis led to short-term disintegration, but out of the ashes a greater strength was found (US Civil War, World War II, are only two examples).

As I consider the anxiety we face through our current state of crisis, we have a choice to make. Will we give into the fear and anxiety that pervades our media and culture or will we use this crisis as an invitation of faith to step up and see what strength we already have through Christ. God calls us to not simply survive but through the Holy Spirit to do greater things for God’s glory.

To offer practical help to live more in that freedom, I share a list of “Principles of Functioning” that Ed Friedman has in his chapter on facing crisis (A Failure of Nerve, p. 302 in the October, 1999 edition as published by the Estate of Edwin Friedman).

• Keep up your functioning; don’t let crisis become the axis around which your world revolves.
• Develop a support system outside of the work system, such as professional helpers, family, and friends.
• Stay focused on long-term goals.
• Deep breathing, prayer and meditation.
• Listen to your body
• Watch the triangles.
• Work out the balance between being responsible for self and being labeled obstreperous [stubbornly defiant].
• Keep the system loose with humor.
• It’s time to make decisions when the same question brings no new information.
• Accept the possibility that one’s own functioning brought it on, which means that one may be able to influence one’s recuperation.

Let us Trust in God’s love more than we believe in the Fear that paralyzes us!

There was a time when I would describe myself as being declared a heretic in at least 2 different churches. As I consider some of the tools I use now in my spiritual and pastoral toolbox, I think I might have to expand that level of condemnation. And maybe I have done my part to intentionally amplify that status in the last few years. I confess that I have a bit of a stubborn streak when it comes to people trying to control me (Enneagram Type 8 for those of you who care).

I hoping in the next few weeks to begin to write extensively here about my learnings from and ministry application of the Enneagram in this space. If you google “Enneagram” you will find a few sites that are very eloquent in its condemnation of the Enneagram as a tool of the occult bringing spiritual chaos into the church. I suppose the Enneagram symbol does look occult/mysterious/secret-society like. And after all, most of the early adopters of the Enneagram are non-Christian mystics and psychologists. If that is the case, then the labyrinth would also be placed in that category of anti-Christian symbols that appear occult. For me, both that labyrinth the Enneagram are symbols and tools that have great power and usefulness in my work as spiritual director and pastor as well as in my own personal walk with God.

The more I think about it, there are other reasons for falling into the heretic mold for some people. I am very much a process oriented person. Not only do I still use the family process perspective on relationships from Murray Bowen and Ed Friedman in my counseling and spiritual direction, but I definitely see myself as a Process Theologian. God’s love might be unchanging, but our God is a Living and Dynamic Being who responds to and is affected by the divine involvement with history. So how God works in my life is never the same as how God works in another person’s life. Beyond that, how God works in my life today is not the same as how God has worked even in my own life. There is no “God only works in these prescribed ways” point of view in my theology. Not only would those Baptists in my history be aghast, but my Reformed Church colleagues would be convinced that I have lost something important.

I, however, think I have gained far more than I have lost. And that gain lies behind my title. it also lies behind a deeper reorientation I think the church should examine about many things we do that are acceptable means of grace within the church.

The key reorientation is to not become focused on the various forms of God’s grace, but to keep our eyes on the Grace of god itself.

I enjoy the symbol of the labyrinth because I do believe it has a certain beauty and symmetry to it. I have experienced some profound moments of God using the labyrinth in directing and transforming my life, but the symbol of the labyrinth should not become a magical talisman that holds power itself. It is powerful as it holds and contains and brings my life into contact with the living and dynamic presence of God. The symbol of the labyrinth is simply that of a tool (a very good tool for many people, but worthless to many others) that God is able to use to slow down our lives to be able to see, hear, and allow God to work within us. The focus is on the God at work, remaining thankful for the tool.

Same thing with the Enneagram and Process theology. I am a student of both and a witness for both in my life and ministry even if I don’t mention the names themselves. Why? Because God has used both the process orientation and the Enneagram to open up a deeper and profound perspective on the spiritual journey that rings true as I seek to follow God. There are so many aspects of the spiritual life that it is easy for me to forget and to get lost in all the nuances and details that come from Scripture, tradition, reason, and experience. The Enneagram has become a very easy way to remember and to process what God is doing in my life and in the lives of those I know and love. I get excited about how it helps me sort through all the details to hold the core gifts of God before my heart and my preaching. There is no magic in the symbol, but there is power because I keep finding the ways that it makes sense of what God is doing. While I am thankful for that understanding, it is simply a tool, a very powerful one to me, that keeps my focus on the god who is ever making us and remaking us into the imagio dei.

Yet, my title goes beyond that. I find myself continuing to remind myself of this tool perspective for more things in the church. How many of our worship wars come about because we have our eyes so focused on the form of our worship (music styles, liturgical styles, media, architecture, etc) that we forget Jesus leading us to be people who worship God in spirit and truth (John 4:23). Worship is important and we need to do it often and well, but when we become so wrapped up in what worship looks like, have we lost our way confusing the means with the grace.

How about church budgets and apportionments? Do we become so focused on the dollars and cents and the power that goes along with them that we lose sight of our money being tools that God gives us in order to witness to God’s love in word and deed? I have been trying for years to keep my focus on the grace we are stewards of during the annual finance campaigns. I believe that as we keep our focus there, the tools will no longer leads us into anxiety, but will become occasions for celebration and greater generosity. Or how about administrative structures (both local church and denominational)? We are way too focused on the forms of our structure that we forget what they are there for.

Even spiritual disciplines (I could go on, but this will be my last set of examples). For years, I would become discouraged because I couldn’t journal everyday, or read my Bible every day, or even pray every day as I knew I should, or even as I wanted to. I would really kick myself for not being a very disciplined person (as this blog will demonstrate). Lately, I have realized that my self-defeating discouragement was another form of putting the means before the grace. I was always thinking that the important thing was the reading, the writing, the praying, the whatevering, and since I kept failing that I was a failure (recipe for depression). However, what if I kept the focus on why those things were useful as tools of God’s work in my life? What is the purpose of prayer and scripture reading? To spend time with God and growing in my relationship with my Beloved. What would be the purpose of journaling or writing? To remember and nurture what God is doing in my life. As I have been reminding myself of the primacy of living God’s grace, I have not only had less anxiety about what disciplines I do or do not practice, but paradoxically, the actions of the disciplines flow more freely and more naturally.

But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us – 2 Corinthians 4:7 NRSV

I know that Paul is reflecting on the wonders of how our mortal, fragile beings can be vessels for the gospel, but I think it can apply to these other tools as well. Whether the clay jars are more “acceptable” like worship styles, words of scripture, church buildings, disciplines, or more fringe such as the Enneagram or the labyrinth, we need to keep our eyes on the extraordinary treasure which is the living presence of God within us, for the transformation of the world.

Somehow our conversation turned to the history of movements of God within the church. Seemingly out of nowhere a fresh outpouring of the energy of God’s Spirit and Grace will change the terrain of the church. Yet it doesn’t energize and capture the imagination and support of everybody. Some would jump on board and be a part of that emerging gift of God, yet some would strongly resist any change in what they believed and how they expressed their faith. Each group would be convinced that they were a part of what God was doing and each would be convinced that the other is no longer with God’s program.

The history of Israel, the prophets, Jesus and his ongoing challenges to the Pharisees and Scribes, the desert mystics and the growing institutions, the split between Eastern and Western Church, the emergence of Luther, Calvin, Wesley, and the Anabaptists as parts of the Reformation movements, the Social Gospel movement, the Tent Revivals, the mission movement, and now the liturgical/spirituality/postmodern emergent church movements followed by whatever is next.

It seems like each one of those movements of God within the church go through the same cycle: breakthrough, energizing renewal, triggering resistance, then establishment and incorporation, only to have a new movement breakthrough in that stream and repeat the same pattern.

What is going on with that?

As our discussion continued, I had the image of the videos I had seen of the Hawaiian lava flows (someday I hope to actually witness this). Beneath the surface of the earth the liquid core of the earth is moving and keeping this planet alive mostly unseen. yet from time to time that molten energy would breakthrough the surface, cutting through the crust of the rock and want/need to go somewhere. If there was great resistance, then we had a volcanic eruption with widespread affect not only at the site of the explosion but through the ash cloud and the accompanying earthquake would have an affect beyond that locality. If the resistance was low (resistance is never absent) then a new river of lava would break out and run toward the sea. Along the way, this living river of energy would swallow up and transform everything it touched. Old structures would be overcome by what will become a new ground of being for those who live in that place. As the liquid rock pursues its course it would cool and new rock would remain and especially if it made it to the sea new land would be created. With more cooling houses and businesses would be built not on the sand but now on new rock. When one flow plays itself out, new ones would spring up in new places and the cycle would continue.

So how might this help us as we care for and seek the welfare of the Church of God?

In our discussion, we found it offering a longer view of what God might be doing among us, inviting us to appreciate and to trust in God’s grace in newer ways. I believe in both scenarios the gifts of God are real: the fresh energy of the outpouring breakthroughs as well as the solid grounding of the existing structures and ground. For the planet as well as the church to be alive we need both the solid forms upon which to stand and build our lives and faith as well as the indwelling fire of God to give those forms vitality. God’s Spirit is present in each of those gifts.

Where we get stuck is when we get overly attached to either the existing structure of rock or institutional form that we do not recognize and celebrate God’s new work to keep the Church alive. So the institutions we live within are not wrong in and of themselves, but when we turn our structures and forms into idols they become barriers in our lives and in other’s lives to the Living God. The idolatry pendulum swings the other way, too. We can become so enamored by the freshness and excitement of each emerging movement of the Spirit that we can forget that God’s grace is just as present in the lives of those who resist as that Love is present in us who are doing the pushing.

What is essential for each one in this great living work of God is that God is present working in both God’s patient way and in God’s expanding work.

Can it happen? One can only hope.

A short night last night … up late prepping for a funeral … up early to be ready for same.

I don’t often remember my dreams, but this one must have flashed across my dream screen just before my alarm went off.

I had just finished doing something at the church (that even is pre-dream-memory) and was leaving to head home when an older woman in the church stopped me outside the door.

In front of us was on old blue enamel electric stove. I knew it was old, but it looked in fairly good shape. As we stood there and looked at it, she asked me if I thought I could fix it. “Could you renew this old stove?”

I didn’t even think twice about it, and answered, “If we have the parts, no problem.” Then we walked away.

That’s it. That is the snippet I remember, and my instinct tells me it is significant. My reflection leads me to consider why I see myself to be here in this place in this time … to plug in the parts that will renew the congregation so it will can again be a church that “cooks” with the presence of God.

I am reaching the end of my first 15 months here … not even halfway through my first 1000 days, but I find myself going deeper and deeper into a journey of faith and spirituality and inviting the congregation to come along for the adventure God has for us. One thing that has been amazing and wonderful is how many people seem to be hungering for that journey. Older members and younger families are searching and asking questions and wondering themselves what God wants them to be doing with faith and life.

My Spiritual Direction training is definitely helpful in providing a groundwork for what I preach and teach. My lengthy foray into the Enneagram lately has also incredibly deepened and broadened my ministry far beyond my expectations.

So I do see myself here to help the process of renewal and there are many who are showing their readiness. I hope I also keep in perspective that I don’t create the renewal … God is the source … my part is to help find the places to plug in the gifts of renewal that God supplies. It is exciting to have even that part to play.

Wow, it has been too long since I have sat down to reflect and really this is one of those “can’t write now, but I’m thinking of you” posts. Here are my excuses:

1. 3 weeks ago I was on a 5 day directed retreat without computer,
2. since we are moving in about 8 days not only have we been packing, but I’ve been trying to make sure things I can wrap up for my successor are wrapped up, and
3. last week was our 4 day Iowa Annual Conference (which takes at least a day to recover from).

Now those things have two results: not much time to reflect and write, and an accumulation of things that I want to reflect and write about.

I’m hoping soon to have a convergence of all the universal energies so that I can get back to reflecting and writing. Whether it is where I am currently sitting or in a new town and place, we will have to see.

You want a hint at some of those things?

• more reflection on the whole idea of status and service with ordination/certification
• Many reflections from Gerald May’s last book, The Wisdom of Wilderness which led my retreat.
• Reflecting on our thanatoptic dillemma in the church as a result of Dr Philip Amerson’s address to the Clergy Session about the Study on Ministry.
• A couple reflections from various teaching times at Annual Conference.

How’s that?

Oh, you probably are wondering about the thanatoptic dilemma. Thanatos is the greek word for death and dying. It is Dr Amerson’s view (and I am really appreciating it) that one of the biggest dilemmas facing the church today is that we are too focused on a perspective that sees only the death of the church and we have forgotten that we are a church of resurrection, formed and reformed by the Spirit of God not by our structures, circumstances and numerical tables. (how’s that for a taste?)

We were shocked to hear of the fire Saturday night of this historic Church. The pastor is a friend and will soon become our District Superintendent.

The worst part is that today they are saying it might be arson.

Obey

That is a hard word for me. I think it is a hard word for many of us. We value independence highly. I know I value it. Give me a class to teach and I will rearrange the lessons and do them my own way. I am also realizing that a major part of my depression symptoms are related to resistance of losing control. So for me to seriously contemplate obedience is a challenge. Yet that is what I have found myself doing a lot lately.

And it this thinking and especially the word from Dorotheos that has been foundational to my participation in the process that will lead me to be reappointed to a new United Methodist Church this summer after only 3 years in my current parish.

Here is the word from Dorotheos of Gaza that actually led me to read more of his writings:

For it is the craft of the evil one to prevent submission with faith in every circumstance and, through faith, a state of certain security. It bars you from obedience with tranquility, and from travelling without danger, or wandering from the road laid down by the Fathers. … no longer will you want certain things to happen, but what is happening will be the thing you want and you will be at peace with all. [Dorotheos of Gaza, Discourses & Sayings, Eric Wheeler, trans, Cistercian Publications, 1977, p. 239]

Earlier in the book, he takes a related view of the life of faith.

But as we have given up the great things let us give up the little things; as we have renounced the world, so let us give up passionate attachment to it. For through certain small and worthless things our inordinate desires bind us again to the world without our realizing it. [p. 88]

A man denying himself in this way comes little by little to form a habit of it, so that from denying himself in little things, he begins to deny himself in great without the least trouble. Finally, he comes not to have any of these extraneous desires, but whatever happens to him he is satisfied with it, as it if were the very thing he wanted. And so, not desiring to satisfy his own desires, he finds himself always doing what he want to. For not having his own special fancies, he fancies every single thing that happens to him. This he is found, as we said, to be without special attachments, and from this state of tranquility he comes to the state of holy indifference. [p. 89]

So what does this have to do with the United Methodist appointment process and my moving this summer as part of that?

After much prayer last fall, I expressed a desire to stay in my current situation. It wasn’t easy, but at the time, I was seeing some wonderful things begin to happen within the church and I wanted to be a part of seeing them grow and continue. That was my desire.

Since January I have been doing a lot of preaching and reflection about prayer and the importance of prayer being a way for God’s desires (God’s will) to inform and transform my own desires and choices. Every time we say the Lord’s Prayer we say that we want our lives to align with God’s desires in the world. As I reflected on that, I realized that we only give lip service to the whole idea of obedience to God and obedience to any one else who has rightful authority over us.

In the United Methodist system, there aren’t a lot of times when authority is exercised directly unless you step over the wrong line. We value the freedom of the pulpit as long ethical integrity is maintained. However, the system of appointment making is one of those mechanisms that we accept in our vows as the ordained when we enter that ministerial order. I know for many years I have heard colleagues complain about the oppressive control over them that this brings. So the system has been tweaked to allow clergy and churches a bit more control over where and when they serve, yet, those voices are still only consultative. The Bishop and appointive Cabinet are still the ones who have the control.

So when I received the call during Holy Week inviting me to a new appointment, I found my prayers leading me back to Dorotheos. There are strengths and weaknesses to my current appointment (that I know of) there will be strengths and weaknesses to any new appointment (which I will need to learn anew). I could have simply run the numbers of size of church, size of benefit package, or even the size of the parsonage and made the decision based on those standards. Yet, that seemed to be focused on seeking what I want to have happen, and my own desires. In the end, my choice came down to being an obedient member of the communion of clergy in the Iowa Annual Conference.

I am reluctant to write those words because they sound a bit braggy. But I am not seeking to feed my own pride in this choice. If anything, I write it to remind myself that I move into the new position not out of the sense that I will do great things there, but that I need to come as one who seeks to remain obedient to the will of God and needs to continue to seek God’s desires no matter what happens here, there, or wherever God’s Spirit leads me next.

I am also finding that this four letter word is not as odious as I thought. It is even becoming related to another four letter word: love.

Seems a bit odd to think I need to mark something as just personal, but I feel I need to do that here.

We announced this last Sunday that the Bishop has appointed me to serve the First United Methodist Church in Emmetsburg, Iowa beginning July 1, 2007. Let the packing begin.

In a couple days I will catch my breath a bit and get back to the desert fathers (in fact there is one directly related to the decision to move, but I misplaced the book).

A couple weeks ago, I made first contact with Dorotheos of Gaza. He was a 6th century monk and teacher that was best known while he resided in the communities around Gaza. His major theme was humility and I am finding a number of stimulating and challenging ideas from him. So I will be pulling out a few quotes from him before I move on to another desert mystic.

One of his surviving discourses was directed towards those who were put in charge of a community. A major part of this discourse deals with how to correct a member of the community.

Never separate yourself from the holy example of Christ, who said, “Learn of me for I am meek and humble of heart.” First make a point of acquiring a peaceful state of soul, so that correction is given not out of pretended righteousness or for the pleasure of rebuking, but as a duty performed for the sake of love and cleanness of heart. Building up your brother in this way, you shall hear a voice saying to you, “If you extract what is precious from what is unclean, you shall be compared to my own voice. (Jeremiah 15:19)” [Dorotheos of Gaza: Discourses and Sayings, Eric Wheeler, trans, Cistercian Publications, Kalamazoo, 1977, page 239]

There are quite a few points in this quote that is worthy of reflection as I consider being a leader in church, a teacher, a pastor, and as a spiritual director. The words about giving correction out of “pretended righteousness or for the pleasure of rebuking” caught me right between the eyes. It is so easy to go around with my own sense of pride that tells me that I know how things must be done, that I so easily derive a little bit of pleasure at putting some people in their place. “After all, I am the seminary-trained pastor here.” I have to remember that Jesus rebuked the people of Jerusalem with sadness and grief not pride and power.

However, the part of the quote that is more inspiring in its challenge is related to his paraphrase of Jeremiah. The image of extracting or mining what is precious from a soul that is broken or wayward in sin and temptation is a very healing image for ministry, and especially the ministry of directing others toward righteousness. How can I see through the surface grime in a pride-filled life and help that other person see and reveal the precious child of God within? That indeed is a holy challenge and a Christ-filled endeavor.

Yet, as the soul miner we are really seeking what God has done and is doing in the life of another. If God by grace keeps on calling to the lost sheep, then we need to honor God’s compassion with our compassion.

Sorry for the lack of posting, not even sure why, but know that I want to get back. Here is one way I am going to try, spiritual quotes. I am currently working through Benedicta Ward’s The Sayings of the Desert Fathers, (Cistercian Publications, Kalamazoo, 1975)

Abba Anthony says:

A time is coming when men will go mad, and when they see someone who is not mad, they will attack him saying, “You are mad, you are not like us.” [#25, p 6]

My immediate thought is that we are in that time. And which mad am I?