The Gift of Discouragement
One of those strange phenomenons I see in my own life is the cycle of discouragement.
The first step in the cycle is that I do something, or something happens to me that is wonderful. Maybe I am blessed with a surprising and special grace from someone. Maybe out of the blue, I have one of those experiences of God’s living and loving presence. Or maybe, I have done something that I know has truly touched someone’s life. A great success. A tangible and visible fruit of my words or leadership. I feel on top of the world. The day is a very good day.
Then, the other part of the cycle kicks in. The doubts arise. The emptiness in my heart is palatable. It comes as wilderness. My well is dry. The grip of inertia mocks any attempt I make to rouse my mind or spirit.
I hate it. It drives me crazy. It is virtually predictable and ever dependable.
Yet, I found myself today with the revelation that this cycle might be a great gift from the same loving God who blesses me with the mountaintops.
Well, Paul in this week’s lectionary helped in that seeing…
I know a person in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven–whether in the body or out of the body I do not know; God knows. And I know that such a person–whether in the body or out of the body I do not know; God knows–was caught up into Paradise and heard things that are not to be told, that no mortal is permitted to repeat. On behalf of such a one I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses.
But if I wish to boast, I will not be a fool, for I will be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think better of me than what is seen in me or heard from me, even considering the exceptional character of the revelations. Therefore, to keep me from being too elated, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:2-10 – NRSV
Now, I don’t really know what Paul’s thorn was, yet I don’t think that detail matters as much as Paul’s process of taking something which really bothered him and frustrated him, and recasts it in light of God’s grace into something that does serve God and Paul’s love relationship with God.
Could my cycle of discouragement be God’s gracious antidote to feeding my own ego-centric tendencies? When I feel empty, is it a wonderful invitation from God to let go of my own experience of God’s goodness and to really trust in God’s goodness alone? I still find the discouragement hanging over my head as I write, but I think I will thank God for the shade and wait to see what God will do next in my life.
