- RT @AutofocusTM: Want to know what you should be doing now? Ask yourself “What am I resisting?”; dm ouch, this is too good of a question 09:20:29
- So far, a barely productive week. More frustrations than triumphs. Trying to connect with people who can help. Part of frustration. 15:00:41
- RT @revtrev: People laugh because I’m different, I laugh because they’re all the same. 23:00:16
- New Blog posting: Light, Darkness, and Perspective http://tinyurl.com/cgojbl 23:57:02
Archive for April, 2009
A month or so ago, I started my journal with the old Simon and Garfunkle lyrics: Hello darkness, my old friend. It was the start of accepting the return of the depression that I have been relatively free from for quite a while. But with the fallout grief of moving almost two years ago, and the ongoing stress of a church that was needing and asking for a lot from me, I have not been staying on top of my self-care balancing act. The darkness and the wilderness have again become important considerations in my life. More and more days have found me just staring at my computer/list/desk/life without caring or having energy to devote to meet the moments.
The shadows have again come and I am afraid.
It isn’t the old terrors when I was actively avoiding the darkness and whatever might lurk in its depths, but fear nonetheless. I can accept it even if I am not happy with it. Hopefully in the next week or so, I will be able to talk with a trusted counselor to move out of the shadows.
However, last night I found myself with a different view on things.
I was late at the church again and making sure things were all locked up before heading home. I remembered I needed something which was in the front of the darkened sanctuary. Rather than turn on the lights I just walked up the center aisle into the darkness. Fortunately I had a little pocket LED light so I was able to avoid the small table in the center of the aisle, but it was dark. As I walked into the space, it was very dark. There were 4 hallway lights behind me, but before me I could see nothing. Absolutely nothing aside from the eternal flame at the very front.
When I say nothing I mean nothing. I knew there were pews there and I knew there was chancel furniture up there, but other than the first 2 sets of pews, it was total darkness.
I made my way to front, avoided the small table and retrieved the book that I wanted to take home with me. Then I turned to walk out. I was amazed.
As I looked from the darkness to the light, I could see all the pews. I could see the other pieces of chancel furniture around me. I could even see the little table I almost ran into. All from the little bit of light coming from in front of me.
I didn’t stop to marvel too long, I wanted to go home. But I stop to see it. When I was in the light looking into the darkness, I could see nothing. I know in a previous time I would have been racked with fear at that sight. Yet when I was in the midst of the darkness looking toward the light, I could see more. It wasn’t fully lit, but it was more.
Maybe as I begin my journey from the darkness of depression (again) I can remember that wisdom. Looking into the darkness, things look grim. Looking out of the darkness, hope provides new vision.
- RT @earthmystic: God’s forgiveness is not the reward 4 having changed 1′s life, but the source & condition of that change-Martin L. Smith 08:33:05
- RT @umreporter: Q&A with Kathleen Norris: Recognizing the spiritually debilitating ‘demon’ http://tinyurl.com/cr4egz ;dm Gr8 Interview/book 13:46:15
- RT @jwage: RT @billgriggs: Best Video I’ve Seen Today Will Make You Smile — http://tinyurl.com/deaghl l dm Stand By Me virtual studio! 16:51:54
- Strangely intriguing. Mapping the 7 deadly sins in USA http://tinyurl.com/dyle23 18:24:41
- Found that last site from @emergentvillage lost the connection before I was able to look at it. 18:26:08
- DSL down @ work. Secretary gone all week. Should be interesting time. 10:30:12
- RT @kemmeyer: “organizational insanity=expecting radically different results by doing the same thing better.” Alan Hirsch 13:36:45
- Unearthing an old project (started right out of seminary) and joining it to new project: The enneagram and the 4 elemental images 13:38:08
- I understand why many preachers take Mondays off. Energy level low. Usually stuff needs done on Monday. Makes a nice study day, too. 13:39:05
- Especially now that the DSL is back online. 13:39:19
- RT @inhokim: Now time to throw myself into the work week. Here I go… Here I go…. I am really going now… Here I go… ; dm can relate 13:44:36
- Elemental Enneagram idea: How would each of the types exhibit/express each of the 4 ancient elements (fire, earth, water, wind) 13:47:03
- RT @dawnnicole: If you try to only change someone’s behavior, you spiritually dehydrate them. (John Burke) #qconf 21:40:48
- RT @earthmystic: If you have never had any distractions you don’t know how to pray. — Thomas Merton 21:45:48
- it’s a hot tub night. soothing, healing waters here I come 22:40:20
- nevermind too late. 22:46:13
- What a difference a couple hours makes. Yesterday afternoon it was 80 degrees, by evening it was 50. Unfortunately, we didn’t grab a jacket 16:10:34
- RT @lensweet: “Any version of the gospel that substitutes the msg of personal success 4 the cross is a manipulative counterfeit.” Thiselton 16:14:25
- Interesting. I had 5 people stop following me after I retweeted @lensweet. I guess that revealed a lot about their interests. 20:22:58
- UMCPeeps. Has anyone seen any UMComm ads yet? I haven’t. Started preaching #rethinkChurch tonight. Good initial response. 20:42:56
- God, fill my heart. It is empty, I’ve used up all I have & there is more to do. Open the dam gates hiding your grace. Wash/refresh me. 11:31:02
- RT @rebekahsfair: “The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus.” – Bruce Lee 11:32:46
- Finding I need to schedule some meetings. Emotionally allergic to meetings now. Just. Can’t. Do. It. 11:38:03
- The calendar says Wednesday. It feels like Friday. Too long of a week already or just wishing? #fb 08:25:48
- RT @FFEvangelism: “Every one, though born of God in an instant, yet undoubtedly grows by slow degrees”..John Wesley 11:22:47
- Wow. An evening with no meetings scheduled. Sadly, that is too rare an event. Something’s wrong with that picture. 18:34:27
- RT @doroteos2 Check out A Tale of Three Paradigms, new on United Methodeviations http://tinyurl.com/ccxjwo ; dm WOW. This fits! 19:41:06
- Wii bowling wore me out tonight. Retained pro status by skin of my teeth. 20:45:30
- trying to wade through connection problems with gotomeeting for the @Enneagram webinar 21:44:00
- RT @DrJennifer: RT @grapevine32 When you find the One, you no longer want anything else: that One is both the manifest and the mystery. Rumi 21:47:15