My Why Orientation
One of those dreams that I have had for years is to be a writer. I’ve augmented that with wanting to be a retreat leader. I have garnered some fulfillment with being a Spiritual Director, but I find myself at times aching for more than what I have at them moment in those areas.
My writing in my blog is a way to practice and to have an outlet for those desires while the skills and disciplines are growing and developing. However, I have to say that my readership stats have never been all that great. And especially after an extended time of irregular posting, my stats wouldn’t excite anyone. So I have been struggling for a while with the whole question of why am I doing it.
At times, I have tried to apply as a goal for my writing and teaching as making a difference in people’s lives. I want to offer ideas and perspectives that might help people in their walk with God and their living of faith. But when only a few people read them, then why bother (so speaks the voice of my inner critic). I have struggled with the same thing with my photography. And I even find that idea being planted in my ministry and spiritual direction: it only affects a couple people, isn’t there something better you can do with your time?
As I reflect on that dialogue between my deeper dreams and my critic’s realism, I see that I need to reconsider my Why orientation.
In our Stephen Ministry training which we completed a few weeks ago, we kept coming back to the need to not be Goal oriented in our work, but to attend to a Process orientatation. As we consider being with someone who needs care, we needed to move away from goals that involved the response of the care receiver since that was out of our control. To be faithful and trusting, we needed to define our goals so that we attended to the process of our care instead of bringing about any specific results. That leads us away from seeking to manipulate or pressure people and also leads us to trust in the work of the Holy Spirit in the relationship and in bringing healing.
As I have been struggling with this dialogue, I see the invitation to God to be more Process oriented in more of life, not just in those times when I need to apply them in caring or directing others. I need to find a Why for seeking to write that is more oriented toward expressing what God has planted inside and less focused on making something happen in the hearer or reader.
Same thing applies with other creative and life opportunities. The more we live our lives as an expression of what God has already given us, the more free we are to be ourselves. The more we turn that around and try to earn honor and respect and meaning through what we do, the more trapped we become.
I don’t know what God wants to do in my life, but I know that I need to live believing that God wants to somehow be present and active in my life. This leaves the what of my life in wiser hands.
