A Labyrinthine Journey

During my last session with my Spiritual Director he wondered if the story of Elijah at Horeb (1 Kings 19) was one that might be significant in my life. That question took me back because I hadn’t though of that story for a long time, but it is one of those stories that keeps returning to challenge my journey.

Elijah had just completed what we could say was the high point of his ministry: the triumph over the priests of Baal and the end to the long drought. You would think that at that point he would feel most assured and confident of his life and ministry, but he swung from the height to the lowest depths of his life. He became terrified. Not only did he run away in fear, but he even wanted to give up on life. That has been, to one degree, a parallel for me. It is not that unusual for me now to see that after a real good worship service or a great meeting or day of ministry that within days I will find myself weary of soul, as if nothing great had happened. The swings aren’t quite so wide now as they used to be, probably because I recognize the process. I don’t necessarily enjoy it, but I see it as a familiar pattern.

It is a pattern that makes a certain amount of sense from a spiritual growth and faith perspective. It would be so easy to get so caught up in the highs of the experience of God’s active presence that our faith gets twisted away from the presence of God to the actions of God. Our faith then becomes grounded in the experiences and the spectacle. What happens when the adrenaline fades and the emotional energy dissipates? Our faith becomes shaky and so we get anxious and go seeking or even creating the experience that we miss. Maybe we go from retreat and conference to retreat and conference seeking to stay on the mountaintops of our experience. Or maybe as a leader we become very skilled at manufacturing the emotional energy to keep that high for ourselves and for our followers. People love to go where the excitement is visible.

Yet, that so easily becomes a trap. A trap that Elijah got caught in for a time. A trap that trips us all.

We can easily grow to love the creation, the action, the experience, or the gift more than we love the Creator, Lover, Giver.

I can easily imagine Elijah thinking that since he has triumphed over the prophets of Baal that everyone would see the superiority of the power of God and things would be good from now on. When that did not happen and Ahab and Jezebel actually become more intent on killing him, his faith in the experience was shaken. So he retreated.

What I think is marvelous is that God graciously aided his retreat. God recognized that Elijah needed to go through his wilderness (real and emotional) for true faith to be brought through him. That is what happened. Elijah was reoriented to the real presence of God so that he could return to his work with the right God-energy.

I think that is another aspect of the encounter at Horeb. Where do we expect to find God if we are oriented to the experience and the expression of God’s presence? We would “know” God was in the wind, or the earthquake, or the fire. We feel we need that verification of God for faith in God to be strong. Yet, the writer is clear: “the LORD was not in the wind/earthquake/fire.” We get sucked into that when we think God is more present in a spectacular worship service or in an experience of healing or in a big mega church or some wonderful ministry experience. Yet, does that mean that God is less present in between worship service? Does that mean that God is less present in the small churches with only a few dozen people present? Does that mean that God is less present in my life when I am tired, or questioning whether or not God is present?

“and after the fire a sound of sheer silence. When Elijah heard it he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. Then there came a voice to him that said, ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’” - 1 Kings 19:12b-13, NRSV

This is the Elijah question that keeps returning to my journey, especially in those times when I am trying to escape or retreat. What am I doing here? I, like Elijah, have a long list of rationalizations for being there. And the wonderful thing is that God never condemns, the response is always, “Go.”

When I get to the Elijah question I find that I have sorted through the dross of the experiences and I am again ready to see that God is the presence that I seek. I again and again am brought back to the primacy of the Creator/Redeemer/Sanctifier as the ground of my being and the source and end of my journey.

Did some thinking last night about renewing and reorganizing the blog. So here it is! Can you tell the difference?

Probably not.

I am intending it that way. Our society is very image conscious. We look primarily at the form of things and the packaging. You want to renew your product in the marketplace? Don’t change it, just change the name, or change the package. Put out a new ad or begin a new advertising campaign. It sounds kind of silly, but companies do it because it works.

The other thing we can get caught up in doing is changing structure or role titles. Corporations somehow buy the idea that comes from consultants that a new chart, or a new name for the same job will actually make things better and smoother. You don’t change the people or how they actually do the job, but a new name makes everything better. That too sounds kind of silly, and we who are in management find ourselves caught in the trap.

The Church is not immune to that. We change titles and structures and try new church growth programs thinking that is the answer. We then find it doesn’t really work so we think that we need to keep on trying new things and changing things until we somehow find the right package for the church and the ministry.

I think we get caught in that trap because what is really needed in our churches and our spiritual lives is deep down transformation, we could even call it conversion. We have to change the way we view our reality and we have to surrender our lives to be changed by God’s transforming Spirit. We have to allow God to change the substance of our lives.

I’ve been doing a lot of study in the enneagram lately. One of the biggest things that comes through my reflection on that tool is how all pervasive the ego is - the Sin Self that wants to remain in control. All the change in forms and packages and images are all things that the ego can maintain control over. They are all activities that we can spend money and time and energy on which on the one hand fools us into thinking we are doing something good, but on the other hand fools us into thinking we doing something good. (think about that a moment)

The Spirit is always calling us to go past the package and find in the depths of our soul the still small voice of God inviting us to a daily faithfulness. God doesn’t want spectacle. God wants our living.

So my reorganization of the blog will not be a change in the look, but comes as a new commitment on my part to have these writings be a part of my daily faithfulness. If anything, I want to be more focused on what is the substance of Abundant Life that God is calling us each to be a part of.

Sorry I haven’t been very faithful in posting lately. There have been a lot of areas of my life and ministry that I have been seeking clarification on and looking for a new perspective on.

This blog is one of those areas that I am wanting to renew with a more focused purpose. So hopefully soon I will be back.