Practicing Lent
So what are you doing for your Lenten discipline this year? I find myself getting more interested in this question than the whole New Year’s Resolution question. On Ash Wednesday morning I made this commitment:
For Lent, 2008, I will set aside two blocks of time for sabbath-type activity. Each block will be at least 30 minutes, with a target of 45 minutes. Activities will include, journaling, a daily examen of consciousness, devotional reading, lectio divina, tai chi movement, or centering prayer.
I know it is only the third day of Lent, but I have already followed through and missed a step. The morning times have been easier since I have been working more lately on starting the day in a God conscious way. The evening times are the greater challenge.
I missed last night. Another new day, another day to seek to behold God’s presence again. It is is hard to be truly fogiving of non-judgmental of myself while still recognizing my failings and my sins. I could easily just simply dismiss my missing the time as if it is no big deal, but that would deny the importance of my intention, my time, and my promise. However, the old way of responding by mentally beating myself up and casting my self as an utter failure doesn’t do any good either.
As I consider a response, the image that comes to my mind is practicing music and rehearsing a song. I hit a wrong note, I don’t come in at the right time, or something about my playing doesn’t fit the composition (too loud, too soft, etc). So what do I do? Do I through my bass on the floor or kick the stand across the room or give up the whole idea that I can ever play music at all? Getting frustrated and hating or condemning myself doesn’t help, in fact it prevents me from ever really learning to play the music in its fullest.
So what do I do in practicing? I notice the missed note or botched entrance. Maybe I mark the music to remind myself the next time. I then go back over the part and practice it again. Maybe I will need to go more slowly to figure out the fingering or the rhythm. I might have to sit down at the piano or ask the director and accompanist to play my part for me so I can hear the interval I am missing. I shake it off, and keep on practicing. By renewing my attention to the music and by patiently working on the sticky parts (yes, there will be other parts that need attention) I will learn the piece.
Might the spiritual disciplines be similar? I miss something that is important for me to do to express my yearning for God or I get sucked back into my disobedient mode. I notice it by confessing, writing, or sharing the carelessness and disappointment with a trusted companion. Then I accept the grace of God that has simply been waiting for me to return to the embrace of Divine Presence and renew the time.