A Labyrinthine Journey

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

I found this wonderful poem by Dawna Markova at inward/outward from her book of the same name.

This is one of those that demands to be printed out and placed just about everywhere I might sit and reflect on life. Maybe especially in those places where I go along taking life for granted. That is probably the perennial challenge for each of us: to stay awake to the life that we are living. Life goes on with or without our awareness, we just miss it. God is present whether or not we remember that truth. Therein lies grace.

Yet how much more full our lives can be if we forget God’s abounding presence less so we might relish in that delight? How much more can our lives be as we are mindful of love in every form God blesses us in?

Time to go live life for a while.

So what are you doing for your Lenten discipline this year? I find myself getting more interested in this question than the whole New Year’s Resolution question. On Ash Wednesday morning I made this commitment:

For Lent, 2008, I will set aside two blocks of time for sabbath-type activity. Each block will be at least 30 minutes, with a target of 45 minutes. Activities will include, journaling, a daily examen of consciousness, devotional reading, lectio divina, tai chi movement, or centering prayer.

I know it is only the third day of Lent, but I have already followed through and missed a step. The morning times have been easier since I have been working more lately on starting the day in a God conscious way. The evening times are the greater challenge.

I missed last night. Another new day, another day to seek to behold God’s presence again. It is is hard to be truly fogiving of non-judgmental of myself while still recognizing my failings and my sins. I could easily just simply dismiss my missing the time as if it is no big deal, but that would deny the importance of my intention, my time, and my promise. However, the old way of responding by mentally beating myself up and casting my self as an utter failure doesn’t do any good either.

As I consider a response, the image that comes to my mind is practicing music and rehearsing a song. I hit a wrong note, I don’t come in at the right time, or something about my playing doesn’t fit the composition (too loud, too soft, etc). So what do I do? Do I through my bass on the floor or kick the stand across the room or give up the whole idea that I can ever play music at all? Getting frustrated and hating or condemning myself doesn’t help, in fact it prevents me from ever really learning to play the music in its fullest.

So what do I do in practicing? I notice the missed note or botched entrance. Maybe I mark the music to remind myself the next time. I then go back over the part and practice it again. Maybe I will need to go more slowly to figure out the fingering or the rhythm. I might have to sit down at the piano or ask the director and accompanist to play my part for me so I can hear the interval I am missing. I shake it off, and keep on practicing. By renewing my attention to the music and by patiently working on the sticky parts (yes, there will be other parts that need attention) I will learn the piece.

Might the spiritual disciplines be similar? I miss something that is important for me to do to express my yearning for God or I get sucked back into my disobedient mode. I notice it by confessing, writing, or sharing the carelessness and disappointment with a trusted companion. Then I accept the grace of God that has simply been waiting for me to return to the embrace of Divine Presence and renew the time.

I don’t know about you, but without thinking about it, my office space can quickly become overrun and unmanageable. The piles of papers seem to multiply overnight and the notes pop up in strange places so there is less and less space for me to use. And I know that without attention I easily lose wonderfully creative ideas somewhere. That usually continues until I finally pay attention, then once I get past the feeling of being overwhelmed I have to face the situation. Over time I have learned that when I get to that point, I just have to begin someplace and persist in choosing to keep up with that area until there is space again for work.

I see the season of Lent in much the same way. Without really thinking about it we so easily clutter up our lives with many things that just fill up our soul space. Sometimes it shows up on our calendars: we find ourselves running from one thing to another thing and then we have so many things that we think would be wonderful to do and before we know we have no time for friends, family, or God. Then other times we find our hearts overwhelmed with worries and fears that leave us tired and weary, so there is nothing left to even think about other people in our lives or to even begin to consider God’s presence.

So for me, Lent is about Making Space. We are offered the opportunity to stop and see how our lives have been filled with distractions and spiritual clutter that our souls are choked up with the weeds of the junk of the world around us. One meaning of salvation is that God by grace gives us room to move and freedom to live and grow. Yet, we must begin somewhere in responding to our soul messes. We cannot do it all at once nor can we do it all by ourselves, but in Lent we can make the choice to allow God’s Spirit to get started in clearing out the spiritual clutter.

So the Lenten question becomes “What clutters up my life leaving no room or energy to love God or to love my neighbor?” Take a look at your schedule, what can be dropped from our time line to allow you to spend time with family or in prayer? What about attention and focus. Multi-tasking is a myth that only keeps us always tired and worn out. Or if we can find the energy to do all those things, we are left with anxiety and stress that rob our spirits from being able to do anything with anyone. How about possessions: do the things in your life possess you and keep you from enjoying them because you are always worried that something might happen to them? Or maybe there is something else in your life that you recognize clutters your soul and mind leaving you with no time or space for God and all the blessings God offers us.

This Lent, let go of what gets in the way of your walk with God and be open to beholding the presence of God. All this is so you can be more free to live the compassion, the freedom, and the joy-filled lives that God comes to bring.