A Deeper Letting Go
Tuesday, June 26th, 2007One of the books I picked up on my retreat a month or so ago was The Daily Reader for Contemplative Prayer, a compendium of excerpts from Father Thomas Keating. I would highly recommend this to anyone who wants to go deeply deeper into their spiritual lives. The other day, there was a line that I am still pondering.
The paradox is that we can never fully fulfill our role until we are ready to let it go. [June 24, p. 175]
This struck me as profoundly true. There was a time when I hungered to preach. I couldn’t see myself not preaching, so I had a sort of desperation to be the one who preached all the time. However, over the past years I have been learning that my life can be fulfilling whether I am preaching or whether I am not. I have seen this leading to a greater freedom in allowing others to preach in my presence (sounds incredibly arrogant doesn’t it. well, it was) without having to critique their “performance.” I have also seen this leading me to greater freedom in my preaching and others have noticed that new release of energy once I let go of the need to preach.
I have also experienced this in the process of being a developing spiritual director. When I started out, I have to confess, I did it because I thought it was something with prestige and honor. It was something that not too many people were doing (that I knew at the time) and so there was a need I felt within me for that kind of recognition. However, over the last three years of this training and now as I stand on the threshold of this new ministry, I see that the most important part of the preparation wasn’t the classes (as great and wonderful as they were) or the readings (what can I say about the life-giving words I have found in the last few years), but the process of letting go of those false and self-centered motivations for answering this call of God toward offering direction to people who are seeking. I am learning that I serve best when I let go of any personal need or gain from the “honor” of being a spiritual director. It isn’t about me or anything I may gain, but it is all about what God’s Spirit is doing in someone’s life. If I am allowed the gift of being with someone on the holy ground of their journey with God then that is enough. If I am allowed to see from afar what God is doing in someone’s life then that, too is enough.
It is about letting go of my false ideas of “happiness” according to Keating that lead to living in my true human-ness.
