A Labyrinthine Journey

A saying from Abba Achilles:

Abba Bitimius said, ‘One day when I was going down to Scetis, someone gave me some fruit to take to the old men. So I knocked on the door of Abba Achilles’ cell , to give him some. Be he said to me, “Brother, from now on I do not want you to knock on my door with any sort of food if you do not go to knock at any other cells either.” So I withdrew to my cell, and took the fruit to the church.’ [The Sayings of the Desert Fathers, Benedicta Ward, trans, Cistercian Publications, 1975, Achilles #2, p. 29]

This is a bit of a challenge to our pride and privilege based culture. A culture that we who are clergy fall prey too very easily. One thing I am learning from reading the desert wisdom is that humility is absolutely essential to their view of spiritual health.

Yet, this temptation of pride leads me to be tempted by people who want to give me an advantage because I am “the pastor,” or even to people who want to offer a courtesy to me and I too easily accept. In my own mind I am simply accepting their act of generosity and gratitude, but Abba Achilles would most likely say this is a feeding of pride not humility. How many times do I find myself seeking to be named as a special presence in a group as a pastor instead of simply being left a person in the crowd? Is that pride? Maybe.

I have heard of clergy identifying themselves as Reverends when pulled over for speeding to avoid the ticket, or to excuse their passing by lines or asking to be served specially. I think Abba Achilles would be very definite about naming that as anything but humility and being overt pride. I would probably even wonder if there is a question of injustice at work when we seek to use “status” to avoid responsibility for our own actions or to take advantage.

Abba Achilles invites me to reconsider how I use my ordination. If I use it for pride and privilege then I need to “return to my cell.” If I use it for service with humility then I must be joyously grateful for the opportunity.