A Labyrinthine Journey

I substituted for my Dear Wife tonight in leading her Bible meditation group (she is home very sick). I was actually glad to have the opportunity to do it, since I have been slacking on my own meditation time. After the initial sharing time, we entered into meditating on John 7:37-39. I found an interesting transformation of images happening for me.

A couple months ago during a time of meditative imaging (allowing God to bring an image to our consciousness), I had a powerful image of a stream/river flowing from a distant mountain valley leading up to and ending at my feet. I have not been able to discern its significance even though I bring it up from time to time. Yet I know it is an important one becuase as it was originally forming, my heart raced and grabbed my attention.

Tonight, I think I might be finding another piece to the mystery of this image. In reflection, I focused on Jesus saying in verse 38: “Out of the believer’s heart shall flow rivers of living water. [NRSV]”

The transformation involved the flow of the stream. Originally, I had thought the image was pointing to the water comingt o water and fill me. That came partly because when I was in the image, the “camera pan” started away and ended at my feet. Yet, I was not able to actually see the water, I just knew it was there. It was startling to me that the living water flows from my heart not into my heart.

So the question now comes to me, how am I damming up the water that should be flowing out? Maybe that is why my stream has seemed dry. I was expecting the answer to come from outside, when the Spirit was already inside and I was being greedy and thinking I needed to keep it all in for me.

Dying water stagnates and does not move. Living water is allowed the freedom to flow.

Flow from the Spirit-source which is already in this believer’s heart. Hmmm.

A couple months ago, I wrote that little postit note and stuck it up near my desk. It was an expression of frustration and an attempt to get something going in my psyche. Something akin to energy. It has remained as a rally call, trying to muster up some anger energy to not sink into the swamp again, to not accept this gray as the inevitable conclusion to life and such. It had moved off to the side lately and I had forgotten it was there until the other day. I saw it and realized I was allowing myself to sink again.

There has to come a point when I have to say “No” to the force of gray and darkness and open my life up to the “Yes” which is life. I guess I have to acknowledge that I have to keep choosing that “Yes.” I don’t have to accept the depression, but I do have to accept the idea that depression is always just around the corner trying to tempt me into the fog of not caring about life. That isn’t a cure all, but until I realize that, any cures will be temporary and the pride of “being healed” will only set me up for surprise.

Earlier this week, we had a leadership orientation for the church (because of snow we only had 8 people come). I was introducing the idea that we need to have a time for prayer at board and committee meetings. One of the passages I used to support that idea was Psalm 127:1-2:

If God doesn’t build the house, the builders only build shacks. If God doesn’t guard the city, the night watchman might as well nap. It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late, and work your worried fingers to the bone. Don’t you know he enjoys giving rest to those he loves? [The Message]

As I caught myself in the middle of a no-energy day this week and trying to decide if giving up was really the best thing to do, these words came to mind. It reminded me that while I have things to do seeking healing in my life, they must follow the cry to God for God’s presence. With that presence, the other healing tools become powerful. I had been trying to do it all on my own again (that old control, not need any help from anyone trap).
No magic in that moment, but a step in the direction of God’s healing touch.

My little sign is back in front of me to remind me to never give up to the existing gray of depression, but to surrender and trust the God of the full color life.

What a delightful connection with the world (note, he probably dances better than me)

!vb:yt,bNF_P281Uu4!

[Tip of the hat to AMERICAblog]

Sorry, I’ve been so quiet lately. A few things have contributed to that:

• On Epiphany, I was walking along a road in a local State Park to take some nice photos and almost missed the edge (or is it almost hit the road). Anyway, part of my foot was on the road and part was hovering an inch and half over air. Gravity and the air won. I twisted my ankle and ended up breaking it (a couple chips broke off the outside of my left ankle). That has slowed me down a bit physically and emotionally.
• Related to that, I bought a new digital camera with Christmas money and have been exploring it’s use (you can follow the Flickr widget to the left to see what I’ve been doing with it) and that has taken some blog time.
• The winter freeze blahs.
• A major wrestling match with my Enneagram type. Now, that might not sound like much, but emotional resistance is emotional resistance, and I am resisting the type that my Spiritual Director thinks I am (and he is schooled in the Enneagram typology). My head agrees with him, but I don’t like it. (For those of you who know and care, I thought I was a 9 (Peacemaker) but the new direction is toward an 8 (The Challenger/Protector).
• Nothing has captured my attention to write about. I think that is related to the blahs and the emotional resistance. I am hoping to be unblocked soon and am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. I know I have some things I want to write about (I just don’t know what they are at the moment).

blyberg.net » Catalog Card Generator

… about my wife. For the last year she has been working to keep the front of the church decorated with different things to enhance the visual atmosphere of our worship. This is a picture of what she did during Advent/Christmas with the pointsettias.

One of the websites I keep an eye on focuses on treating anxiety, addiction, and depression. I found their article on Making New Year’s Resolutions More Managable a nice short read. (Check out the whole article)

Studies and statistics make it clear that fear, though it leads us to make grand plans for self-preservation, is often not a sufficient motivator

I would agree one hundred percent on this point. I can get moved to quickly do something by fear, but the move is only temporary and it is done without enthusiasm. Then once the threat is gone, there is no longer any energy for action. Maybe this is why so many groups and people wanting to be leaders use fear (and sustained fear) as a primary mode of being.

This should say something important to preachers and teachers in church who seem to always be focusing on the presence of evil in the world and how believers need to … (do whatever they say) … to be free. I see Christ bringing a different message.

We cannot deny that there is evil at work in the world, nor can we deny the presence of things to fear in our circumstances or even inside our own souls. Yet, Jesus came to offer hope and not fear. People who want to be leaders through fear are only interested in manipulating a certain result (and sadly usually for their own benefit) without true concern for the growth and development of the people they get to follow them.

As you can tell, I don’t even see that as true leadership. Jesus modeled true leadership as the shepherd who goes after the lost sheep, and as the mother hen seeking to protect a wayward city. His example of leadership did not back away from fear, but saw the frightening in the light of the power of light and creating Life. I cannot get too excited about all the Satan-namers, because I would rather look at the God-Living-Ones and to be one of them.

Getting back to the original idea of New Year’s Resolutions (I am never completely sure where my thoughts will go when I start), the studies show that we respond more to the invitation to life than to the flight from fear.

Doctors and self-help experts recommend a different approach: instead of focusing on the negativity entailed in giving up habits that we find familiar and enjoyable, think of the healthier, happier person who will emerge from the change. If we do not enjoy the process of improvement, we will find fewer reasons to keep it up. Modesty may also help, as grand plans are more likely to disappoint. Tempering habits may be easier than eliminating them altogether.

Time to recast my resolutions toward the Creating Light. May your new year be blessed.

One thing I have been intrigued by for a long time is photography. I don’t think I am a very good one, but I would like to be a better one. For my birthday last year, I used my gift money for a Pentax point and shoot (Optio E10). I enjoyed it for quite a while, but then found myself wanting to push it beyond what it was capable of doing. The camera is a good one, but it is totally automatic, which does not allow for some of the manual adjustments that one needs to make to be more creative with one’s photographs.

So with my Christmas gift money I am upgrading (Linda will get my old one) to one with more manual control over things like focus, shutter speed and aperture. It is on its way, but hasn’t arrived yet.

However, that is only an introduction to what I wanted to write about.

The new endeavor is to try to take a photograph a day to capture something of the days events. This is one suggestion that many people have found helpful in stretching their skills in photography. So while I am awaiting the new camera, I am starting the project. The sidebar widget will give you a window into my latest posts. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I hope to enjoy the challenge of taking them.

I received an email from my Uncle Bob today with these words of wisdom for the new year.

I said to the man at the gate of the year, ‘Give me a light that I may tread into the unknown.‘
He said to me, ‘Put your hand into the hand of God, and that shall be better for you than a light to your way or a map to the path to be taken.’

May this year be a year to walk more fully in the presence of God.