There has to be an In-between
I was just trying to find the quote and couldn’t, but I was thinking about what someone said that they knew there was a normal, because they see it every time they go screaming past it. This has been one of those screaming past it weeks.
Last week was a good week, fed in silence to contemplate my life, my relationships, my hopes and dreams, as well as my fears and stumblings. I walked, napped, took pictures and prayed. A type of a mountain-top experience: good and enriching, not necessarily high emotion, but good emotion.
Now, this week, has been like tumbling into the swamp in the bottom of the valley. Every evening filled with a meeting and the days wrestling without focus. Frustrating after all the hope and promise of last week.
Yet. Yet, I find myself strangely hopeful in the midst of the frustration and uncertainty and the challenges of the week. When I consider that I have spent this week making some relatively small yet important changes in the routine of my life, a reaction was to be expected. I was just hoping it would give me some breathing space and not be quite so pervasive. If you will indulge me one more comment before I try to clarify things, the fact that my own internal response is as quick and profound as it has been this week tells me that my Inner Depressive Council and my Shadow Cabinet are scared.
One of the things I did at the end of the week of prayer was to try to identify one or two important things that I wanted to take with me beyond the week. There are some attitude items that I will write about a bit later, but there are also some practical things.
The most important one was that I decided to change my morning routine. Isn’t that great? Ho hum, you say? Well, I think that one thing has the been the biggest contributer to my being slung into the valley. My old routine was to get up, come right into the computer room and check the night’s email. Then I have a couple web sites that I like to check in the morning and lately I have been checking out some of the blogs I read. Then I will get around to maybe grabbing a little something for breakfast and then shower, dress and if I have time, spend some time in centering prayer and then off to work.
Beginning Monday, I instituted a new morning routine: wake up, go right to the shower and get dressed, then spend about 15-20 minutes with a little prayer journal praying for the various people in my life and ministry (usually with Orange juice and a little breakfast with Jesus), then about 20 minutes in centering prayer. Then and only then will I head into the computer room and depending on my time frame will check email, websites and blogs until it is time for work.
The reason for the change? Establishing the priority relationship. I realized that my time in prayer was not an important priority, it was a good thing to do and if I could find the time to do it, I would. While I would not have said it that way, that is what I was convicted of during my week of prayer and reflection. I was living it that way. I didn’t like that and it was time for a change to reflect the important things in my life. So prayer becomes the first thing I do in my day (after getting cleaned up and shaved and dressed).
There might be a day when I am running late and I won’t get a chance to check all I want to check on my computer first thing in the morning. Well, that is fine. I and the vast tubes of the internet will survive quite nicely. I will have made sure my day started with prayer though. That primary relationship needs to be an important priority just as I know each day I need to spend time talking and listening to my lovely wife and my daughters (when they are here) to nurture the relationships.
This is only the beginning of moving some very important things from the realm of “That’s a Really Good Idea” to “This is What I am Going to Do.”
