Choosing to Choose my Battles
I have decided that Mondays for me have finally earned the reputation that many have had of the day. A day for the blues and the blahs and the battles. I glance back over my private journal for a while and notice that Mondays seem to be days that talk about the lows and the weariness.
For a while I have tried unsuccessfully to work my way through the battle of the Monday Lows. All that has seemed to do is to to make things worse and to make Tuesdays to be bad days also. Almost like the shear act of battling my Monday lows reduced the energy available for what Tuesday will bring. So I just postpone the crash until Tuesday and then I am able to function for the rest of the week through Sunday’s full day of ministry (3 worship services). Today I decided that I have had enough of that futile battle with Monday.
Ready for the big, huge announcement? Here it comes: I decided to move my day off from Friday to Monday. How’s that for earth shaking?
When I first started here I tried the Monday day off thing (somewhat of a tradition with Pastors) but changed to Friday because where I moved from Friday worked out much better for me and I was still in that rhythm. And that has worked out fine until my Mondays began to fall apart. I am noticing that while I have been making some headway (and sparking some internal resistance) in my attitudes toward Self and life and stuff while working on my depression, I am still susceptible to personal energy fluctuations. I think as I find myself dealing with more emotional issues and facing some tough choices in my spiritual life that I am using up a lot more energy than I imagine.
So Mondays have become my low energy days after expending so much with preaching and worship leadership. I know from past experience that when I give myself permission to rest and recover, that I do regain that energy much faster than if I feel like I can’t allow myself that space for healing.
That will all begin next week because I had a couple things that I have needed to do for a while and that I need to do early this Holy Week that I had to work my way through. And with a lot of prayer and a couple labyrinth walks I have been able to make progress with today. But I will be looking forward to a better energy rhythm that will hopefully free me up to not be so vulnerable to crashing.
It’s not easy, but I have to learn to listen to my own body and the clues it is telling me. Now if I can only listen to my body shouting that it wants to exercise, I will be another step closer to freedom. That’s another battle altogether.
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